The essential list of experiences everyone has after a breakup
If you’ve gone through a breakup recently, first of all, you’re in good company. It feels like half of Hollywood’s couples have been pictured in tabloids with a jagged heart enveloping their faces in the past few months. When you’re dealing with the end of a relationship, there are a few key experiences that are essential in order to trudge through the crappiness and come out the other side ready for better, happier things. Some of these necessary evils include:
Putting someone in your phone as “First Name Do Not Text”: I went through a period where I would listen to Adele and then go drink wine with my friends and feel compelled to text my ex a lot of feelings. It seemed crucial in that moment, and highly regrettable the next day. As a result, he is now in my phone as “First name LAUREN YOU’RE DRUNK NO.” So far, this trick has helped save me from drunk me.
Dealing with an inner struggle about whether to social media stalk: You know you’ll only end up feeling hurt when you see a cheap imitation of you in his pictures, but the urge to Instagram/Facebook creep is so strong. Even when you talk yourself out of it and unfollow your ex on all necessary platforms, inevitably some well-meaning friend offers up the details anyway.
Debating whether you should finally cut off your ex’s access to your Netflix account: You honestly feel like Mother Teresa for continuing to let your ex mooch off of your Netflix account, while allowing their poor taste in TV shows to throw off your carefully curated “Recommended For You” list. Let someone else be generous from now on, right? Right.
Bursting into tears at an inappropriate location: At a restaurant. At the bar. Under a car (I’ve seen this happen). It’s like some tragic Dr. Seuss rhyme. Breakups suck. We’ve all been there. Sometimes you just have to let it out. Your real friends understand.
Cursing Timehop and the Facebook Memories feature: You get to see forgotten pictures from that random and amazing night with your friends! Awesome! Andddd then there’s your ex being all cutesy with you at that same party. Welp.
These experiences are part of the necessary rite of passage that promotes healing as you get ready for bigger and better (maybe nicer too?) things. As you move through the various stages of healing from a breakup, it’s important not to lose sight of some of the mega perks of being single. Namely, you can sleep right in the middle of the bed, watch whatever you want on Netflix, and go where you want when you want without having to compare schedules with someone else whose life is intertwined with yours. Pretty sweet. Oh, and it’s never too late to try your hand at writing an empowering breakup anthem that enables you to be one of Taylor Swift’s special guests at her next arena show.
(Image via Fox)