Toria Sheffield
August 04, 2017 10:13 am

Almost every woman has been there: A guy stands just a little too close, a male date seems to eye us with a little too much interest, or a dude just doesn’t seem to take a polite no for an answer. Well, this woman sent the perfect text to a “woke”  guy who was not respecting her boundaries, letting him know that — despite considering himself a male feminist — he was helping to perpetuate date rape culture.

Author Andrea Bartz went on a first date with a guy she had met on an online dating app. In an essay for, she noted that the date seemed to go well overall, but she felt a twinge in her stomach when she recalled how the guy had tried to kiss her even after she pulled away, and then lingered on her stoop, asking if she was “sure” he couldn’t come up.

via giphy

But since they had already made plans for date #2, she decided to meet up with him again and put aside her initial gut feeling. She wrote,

At the bar, Bartz stayed for a single courtesy drink before ordering herself a car, all while continuing to politely ward off kisses and advances from her date. She gently laughed off his attempts, writing, “Because this is how I’ve been trained: For the sake of personal safety, rejection is best served with a smile,” and suffered through more of his repeated “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” lines.

It was during her car ride home that the truth of the evening’s events began to truly seep in. The guy texted:

Courtesy of Andrea Bartz

To which she responded with a gentle let down:

Courtesy of Andrea Bartz

Which led to this text from him a few hours later:

Courtesy of Andrea Bartz

Bartz ended up sharing this last text with a few of her friends. Aside from being passive aggressive and kind of rude (as it implied their dates were a “waste of time”), she was most bothered by his assertion that he was better at “picking up signals.”

After one more bizarre late-night text from the guy which merely said, “We’re in the age of desensitization” (um, what now?), Bartz decided to drop some major truth on someone who clearly thought he didn’t play any role in his own singledom.

She texted:

Courtesy of Andrea Bartz

She then promptly blocked him.


We are literally cheering right now, because Bartz so perfectly and succinctly said what we have wanted to say one-too-many times in our lives. In a time when rape culture is still very real, and women are still conditioned to be “nice” instead of assertive and safe, we are confident that Bartz’s essay will help other women speak their mind in similar situations.

Bartz is a journalist who just sold her debut novel (!), and can be found on Twitter here.