Karen Fratti
August 07, 2017 7:36 pm
CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images

Online dating is rife with issues. There’s the whole conundrum about creating your own profile and making sure you’re putting your best pics forward so you actually get messages…but not those kind of messages. Online dating can be terrible, which is why we have no choice but to make these dating profile deal-breakers that women are fed up with, gentlemen.

Listen, we get it. We’re all just trying to do our best to seem likable and find a person we can get along with for a night or maybe even longer, all of which can make us hella awkward. And to be fair, gentlemen, there tons of things that straight women do on dating apps and sites that men are sick of, too.

When it comes to dating profiles, no one is perfect.

But come on, guys: You really have to step up your game and stop “living every week like it’s Shark Week” if you want to actually take us out and get to know us. Be better than these dating profile deal-breakers.

1Surrounded by ladies.

OK, we get it. You want to make it known that you have lots of friends and lots of female friends so that us little ladies will feel more comfortable around you. Kudos. But we don’t have time to figure out if that’s your ex, your aunt, or your best friend. More often than not, women will skip over you for those group pictures up front just in the name of time. Efficiency is everything.

2The bad opener.

We’re not talking about a cheesy joke here, since those are often somewhat endearing or amusing. A bad opener can be anything from a “hi :)” to a “wanna bang?” Like, how is anyone supposed to respond to either of those questions even if we’re on this app simply for finding someone to go home with right this very minute? Be better.

3Any “need not apply” language.

It’s great to set boundaries and be clear about what you want, whether that’s on Tinder or in a long-term relationship. But maybe let the other person decide whether or not they can handle listening to you talk about the lighting at Phish shows for three whole beers or just assume that someone who doesn’t drink is going to be a judgmental jerk about you getting beers on the first date.

4It’s not your dog.

This is just wrong. False advertising. Fake news.

5Asking for “more.”

If your first message is a request for MORE pictures, you’re doing it wrong. Even if you feel like you didn’t get enough information from the profile selection and it matters that much, make a date to meet up. Asking for more pictures is sort of creepy and awful.

6Mirror selfies.

Yes, it’s hard to come up with great selfies when you decide to set up a dating profile on a whim. But take a minute to come up with either good selfies or troll your friends’ Facebook and Instagram for pictures of yourself (and ones you can edit the rest of your squad out of if possible). There are so many ways to get a good profile pic that doesn’t involve you obscuring your face and taking a shot of your abs, which are, frankly, a dime a 6-pack. Bumble actually BANNED mirror selfies, that’s how bad they are.

7Being angry up front.

It’s kind of shocking how many men complain in their Tinder profiles. Yes, online dating is superficial and hard, but complaining that some women want to see your height? Get over it — a lot of men are likely zooming in on pictures to see a woman’s body, too. Having a #NoFeminists? Yeah, you’re out of here. Or telling people that they shouldn’t swipe “if they don’t actually want to meet up” right away is kind of ridiculous. Would it kill you to let us see your grammar skills/creep factor before meeting you in person?

8You’re “not a serial killer.”

That’s not a funny joke. When you crack a joke about not being “rapey” or a potential Law and Order: SVU character, we get that you’re acknowledging that women are often put in more dangerous situations when dating, but it’s just not funny. Like, we shouldn’t have to just settle for all the guys that claim they won’t assault us after sharing a plate of nachos. You could just, uh, be a nice person.

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