Timothy Paul Smith/Unsplash
Steph Barnes
October 06, 2017 6:26 pm

We’ve all had that moment where we’ve interacted with someone, whether online or in person, and there’s an undeniable spark. “We just sort of clicked.” We’ve all said it. And as you almost definitely know already, that instant connection is chemistry! For any romantic relationship to be successful, there has to be chemistry between the two parties, but just as importantly, there has to be core compatibility. You should value (some of) the same things your potential partner does, or, at the very least, imagine a similar future.

You might be thinking: If the chemistry is right and things flow easily then shouldn’t that also mean you’re compatible?

Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Chemistry is based on attraction, and more often than not, intense attraction to someone isn’t enough to build a happy partnership. And getting along with someone doesn’t mean your interaction will blossom into lasting romance, even with the best of efforts. We’ve all been convinced at some point or another that we’ve met our soulmates because we were so blinded by all the feels only to later discover that we aren’t compatible at all.

So, to help you determine your compatibility level before things get too serious, here are 7 signs to look out for. You know, if you can see through those heart-shaped goggles.

1Your visions for the future don’t overlap.

When you think about your future, what do you see? Are you married with a couple kids and some chickens running around? If your answer is yes, but your partner refuses to even consider marriage and definitely doesn’t want kids then despite the “feel good” moments you share, you aren’t totally compatible.

2You have a hard time with disagreements.

Having the occasional disagreement with your partner is perfectly fine — but only if you have both developed a healthy way of “fighting.” A couple that’s compatible will be able to have a rational discussion, compromise, and find a solution that works for everyone. An incompatible duo, on the other hand, might throw below-the-belt insults and refuse to see things from the other person’s POV. Chemistry does a lot to heighten emotions — compatibility means not letting those emotions blow up.

3You’re insecure more often than not.

A solid relationship should bring a sense of security and contentment, but if being with your partner leaves you doubting and feeling insecure, it’s possible you guys are just totally out of sync. We all have different love languages, and they are linked directly to how we want to be treated to have our needs met. Someone who is compatible with you will be able to give you the right amount of attention you require to feel secure.

4You hate having them in your space.

If you avoid having the person you’re dating spend the night at your place because their quirks drive you crazy, and they refuse to change, then it’s possible that you should just change partners. Despite the chemistry, you might not be compatible.

5You get bored quickly after the sexy stuff is over.

There’s no denying that having chemistry is super sexy, but if after your time beneath the sheets, you’re left with nothing to talk about, that’s a red flag. And most people consider some intellectual stimulation in order to keep your relationship going, which ya know, fair.

6You believe in different things.

When you share amazing sexual chemistry with someone, you might not be spending much time discussing your core values and beliefs, but it goes without saying that these things are important and will determine your overall level of being able to work long-term. Talk about it! If these things aren’t aligned then maybe save yourself the potential heartache.

7You manage your finances way differently.

This probably doesn’t feel like a big deal in the hot and heavy beginning stages, but for a long-term partnership to be successful, you’ll need to be able to agree on how you spend (or not spend) money. Do you budget and save while your boo spends unnecessarily? Pay attention to the subtle signs.

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