It happens to everyone now and again: You find yourself dating someone who is totally great, but there’s something that’s not very…hot about it. You’ve likely been ignoring the signs that you should just be friends with the person you’re dating. And not in that whole “oh, they’re my soulmate and my BFF” kinda way, but like, just your friend.
Figuring out how to be just friends with someone you’re dating is the hard part.
In a perfect world, you’d approach this person, and tell them that you just want to be the greatest of friends, and then they’d laugh and tell you they felt the same way. But this is not a TV show, and nothing is that simple. IRL, the plotlines are much more complicated. But in the end, it will all be for the best. Especially if you’re pretty sure that you and your partner aren’t exactly living the fairy tale romance you’ve been holding out for.
Here are some tell-tale signs that you should just be friends with the person you’re dating.
1The sex is…meh.
It’s one thing if you have to work up to prime compatibility, but by now, you know the difference between “we’re still finding our groove” and just not being into it. If the sexual chemistry is off, get out of it. Think about it: If you’re lucky, you can still get to hang out and talk, but you won’t have to have crappy sex.
2You’re interested in someone else.
All couples have times when their eyes wander, especially once the initial heart eyes fade. But if you wish your work wife was your actual wife (but like, for real), your current relationship might not be satisfying you properly anymore.
3Or the sex is maybe too good.
If you can’t keep your hands off each other, but then feel like they are dreadfully boring (or even a little too crazy for your liking) outside of the sack, it might need to be over. But hey, possible bright side: You might have a new f*ck buddy.
4You started off as friends.
Tons of couples start as friends and then turn into lov-ahs, but sometimes it’s not a great move. Because you both worked so hard to transition into a couple, it can be hard to admit defeat. Just gotta suck it up and do it.
5They’re bringing you down.
If your partner is bringing you down — maybe with emotional or substance abuse issues you aren’t equipped to deal with — it is not heartless to take a big ass step back. Of course you want to be there for them, but if they’re getting in the way of you being you, you should take a step back. But hang around for the times they need your stellar advice and help when you can give it.
6You’re making big moves.
Never settle. If you’re getting a big promotion or moving far away or something else equally huge and they’re sort of an extra weight, dial back the romance. If you get across the country for the new gig and find you really miss them as Your Person, you can figure that out then. But don’t remain a couple just because breaking up and staying friends sounds too hard.
7You’re just chilling.
Literally, all you two do is hang out on the couch and order take-out, or meet up with your mutual friends for drinks and party till dawn. But there’s never any “date night,” or desire to make one happen. You’re basically sleeping with your best friend. You’ll feel so much better when you call it off and decide to just be best friends. We promise.