For many people, being alone stinks. While everyone needs some space and time to do their own thing, it’s just as normal to want to be in a relationship. Humans are mostly pack animals, after all. Sometimes, though, the desire to couple up feels almost compulsive. If that’s the case, you might want to check for the signs that mean you have anuptaphobia, or a fear of being single.
Yes, it’s actually a real thing! It’s not just you, which should be reassuring. Still, though, going through partners just because you can’t stand to be alone — or are actually super afraid of it — is a cycle you might want to try to break.
No judgement, though, if your fear of being single is working for you. Moving from relationship to relationship doesn’t have to be a bad thing if you’re happy and feel like you’re connecting with people. But if you’re not sure that you’re in this game for the right reasons, or worse, falling for people who really don’t *work* for you just because you’re scared is so not great.
Here are some signs you’re suffering from anuptaphobia
1Your relationships move fast and then fizzle.
Because you hate being alone, you might tend to fall fast and hard for people. So when you find someone new, it’s all honeymoon stage and huge romantic gestures. Then, after a few weeks or months, you look up and realize that when you actually have to talk and connect with this person, the compatibility is just not there. You might’ve noticed that if you weren’t so preoccupied with advancing the relationship quickly.
2You have never, ever broken up with someone.
When you look back at all of your relationships, they’ve all ended with someone sitting you down and having The Talk. Most of these breakups ended up full of drama as you tried and pleaded to make it work. You’ve never been the one to consider breaking it off with someone, even if you knew you should. Almost nothing is worse to you than being alone.
3You’re miserable in your relationship.
Whether it’s right this very minute or in the past, you’ve stayed in relationships that have made you totally miserable just because the idea of being single again gives you a rash. Instead of speaking up for yourself or rocking the boat in your relationship, you shrug and bear things — even when you know it’s bad for you.
4You’re always planning ahead.
You already know what your wedding is going to look like and how many kids you want. This changes with every single person you fall in love with — it’s not like you’re married to the specifics, so much as the general concept of settling down with someone forever and ever. If you’re really afraid of being single, you might have even pushed romantic partners away by diving in too soon and getting ahead of yourself.
5You get super low when you’re alone.
Since your sense of self-worth is tied up with your relationship status, you get very low when you’re single and alone. Like, really low. As soon as you get in a relationship, your depression lifts and you feel like yourself again, even when that relationship isn’t all that fulfilling. As long as you’re with someone, life is good.
6You are super sensitive.
Being sensitive is a good thing! You should never be scared to speak up when something hurts your feelings or you feel like you’re being slighted by a romantic partner. But when you’re scared of being alone or single, this is also a good sign that you’re reading SO MUCH into everything your partner does, whether it’s not texting you back right away or innocently saying they find a celeb attractive while you’re watching late night TV. To you, any of these things might mean your partner isn’t happy and could break up with you, which you’d like to prevent at all costs.