Karen Fratti
August 29, 2017 12:15 pm
Warner Bros.

There comes a time in most relationships when most people find themselves eyeing their partner’s phone on the table while they’re in the shower. Maybe they’ve been “working late” a lot lately, or perhaps there’s actually nothing happening to arouse insecurities about your relationship…but the curiosity is killing you. So what do you do? Do you take a peek, and see who’s been sliding into their DMs? Whatever the state of your relationship, the answer should always be a hard no. The list of reasons to never snoop in your significant other’s phone are basically endless.

Just in case you’re looking around the room right now, dimming the brightness on your screen so no one can see what you just clicked on with a “who me?!” face on, you can cut the act. You might not be proud of your actions, but you def are not alone.

According to studies, most people snoop on their partners.

A 2013 study done in the UK found 34 percent of women admitted to checking their partners’ phones, with 62 percent of men admitting to the act. And everyone was in a relationship at the time. Even more interesting than knowing that women snoop way less than men? People are hypocritical AF when it comes to snooping. Combined, 31 percent of the people surveyed in the study said they would break up with someone if they caught them checking their texts, emails, or other messages on their phone without permission.

Whether you’ve done it before and know better or are in the midst of a moral quandary at this very minute, here are some very good reasons to not snooping in your S.O.’s phone.

1You might not like what you find.

You don’t have to be jealous to search through someone’s call log. It could be that you just assume that you two have become one to the point that you’re entitled to their passcode. Whatever. But you might find things you don’t like, and that doesn’t always have to be evidence of cheating. Maybe they’re having a personal convo about something else with someone else they don’t want to have with you. Or maybe they’re planning a surprise party FOR YOU. You have to be able to deal with the consequences of whatever you find out.

2You might misinterpret what you find.

Some things speak for themselves, but you might get the entirely wrong idea about something that doesn’t need to become A Thing™. Most us think of snooping because we’re suspicious and want to “catch” someone doing something they shouldn’t be, which can lead to some major conclusion jumping.

3Everyone is entitled to privacy.

Would you like your S.O. to read through you and your squad’s group texts, filled with gross jokes and stupid memes? Or how about having the person you adore see that your sister doesn’t really like them despite your best efforts to protect them from her? Or that you spent $300 on a pair of shoes last weekend despite crying “broke” when it came time to throw down for dinner? No, you don’t. Everyone has things they want to keep private, including you. Don’t take that away from someone else, especially someone you love.

4You can find out what’s up by honest means.

When it comes to snooping, it’s really all about trust and communication. Yeah, that might sound corny, but being close to someone means that you should be able to ask them a question and get deep in there with them without trying to figure out their passcode. If you feel jealous, tell them why. Got trust issues? That’s worth a conversation.

Being able to talk about this stuff is way better than deep diving into their Tinder messages. And yes, they still have a dating app on their phone because they forgot to delete it just like you might have. (See #2).

5It will backfire.

And that’s really the thing — if you snoop and find something that could be bad for your relationship, you have to admit to snooping if you plan to act on the info. When you confront your S.O., they have every right in the world to be mad at you for snooping, which means they might use your relationship crimes to distract from their own bad behavior. If find something major, you’ve now become the bigger jerk somehow. If you find nothing and get caught with the phone in hand, you’ve broken the trust. Snooping never, ever works out for anyone.

6It sets a bad example.

You should be able to trust your partner and be trusted. If you’re snooping, or they ask you to let them snoop with the added “bonus” of being able to dig through their data, something might be off. Having to give someone access to your personal things could even be a sign of emotional abuse. You’re a grown-ass adult and deserve your space, independence, and privacy, whatever that means to you. You don’t have to share everything with a partner, and they don’t have to share with you.