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Karen Fratti
September 28, 2017 1:19 pm

Since dating can take up as much time and effort as a part-time job you don’t even get paid for, we don’t exactly hate “dating choreographers,” but they really should try a little bit harder to hide their too-perfect game. A dating choreographer is someone who makes you feel like your dates are all *just for you* when really, they plan the same charming sh*t for everyone they go out with. From the stories they tell to the walk they take you on after dinner, they have this down to a science, so it can be hard to spot the signs of a dating choreographer…because that’s the whole point — it also feels authentic.

Dating someone like this isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the world. At least you’re getting some action, and at least it’s well-thought out action. Much like dating a player, it can make you feel pretty cheap when you pick up on the fact that they’ve done all of this before. While a player will seem non-committal the whole time, a dating choreographer might have you convinced that you’ve found someone serious, but you almost definitely haven’t. They’re just that good at what they do.

It’s a mind f*ck: Even if they really do like you, and you like them back, the fact that they’ve used the same lines and booked the same hard-to-get tables for likely dozens of other people can really ruin the mood.

Here’s how to spot the dating choreographer before you get hurt.

1They call the shots.

It’s nice when someone sort of takes the lead when it comes to making plans, especially if you’re the kind of person who gets hives while picking out the “perfect” place for drinks. The dating choreographer will prey on the indecisive. Instead of taking turns suggesting things to do, this person always takes charge and wants to do things their way.

2Everything seems a little too perfect.

A dating choreographer is also likely the person who does super sweet things for you, which is how they suck you in. A little gift on the second date, maybe a romantic dinner at home right around the time you start thinking about sleeping with them… Whatever it is, if all of your dates resemble the end of a rom-com, it’s possibly because they designed it that way.

3They don’t even look at menus.

We all have our fave restaurants and foods, so this can be tricky to spot. A dating choreographer will bring you to places they know are good “date spots,” meaning they go back to the same restaurants and bars all the time. Most dating choreographers are also often cheapskates (because they see this whole thing as a transaction), so if all of your hangouts are for 2-for-1 drinks or dinner special, beware.

4They get whiny when things go “wrong.”

This is not always true of a dating choreographer, but usually their moves are arranged in a way to get what they want out of you in the timeliest manner possible. Maybe that’s because they want to make you their girlfriend, maybe it’s just because they want to see you naked. Whatever the case, if you’re not feeling the same way around the time that they expect all of their “hard work” to pay off, a dating choreographer might turn on you suddenly or get entitled. Get out ASAP.

5They ghost you.

The Venn diagram of people who ghost other people definitely includes dating choreographers. This is because they aren’t all that original and turn dating into a science — when they run out of moves and the “routine” has run its course, if you two aren’t falling madly in love, they drop off. This kind of ghosting feels especially crappy because of all of the sweet, romantic, super-planned dates you two went on. Ugh. Live and learn, guys.

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