Karen Fratti
September 28, 2017 2:00 pm
Flower Film/New Line Cinema

There is nothing worse than falling for someone only to have them tell you that it’s just not the right time for them to get into a relationship. Maybe someone should clue them in to our new take on things: There is no such thing as a “right time” to fall in love with someone. No, seriously. When you tell yourself that it’s not the right time, or someone tells you that, what you’re really dealing with is a “they’re just not that into you” situation. (And the same is true when you stop dating someone because it’s “not the right time” — if they were really so right for you, be honest, you would figure out how to make it a good time.)

No matter which side of this you’re on, it really stinks. We know. But kind of like $1 taco night at the bar with your friends, you *make* time for the things you want. If you fully, truly want to be in a relationship with a person, it’s always the right time. Sure, there are inconveniences to work out. Like when you meet someone just weeks before they move across the country or have a bunch of grad school exams coming up. Yeah, that all makes dating seem like an unwelcome distraction, but when it’s right, you find ways to work through the madness and exhaustion of fitting your newfound love into your life together.

Since you compromise and make sacrifices when you find someone you want to be with, no matter what else is going on, we kinda don’t buy this “it’s just not the right time” thing.

Here are some reasons why.

1It implies that you’re an inconvenience.

When someone tells you that they’re too busy to date right now, what they’re really telling you is that they’re not prepared to make it work. Dating someone should be fun, not some awful thing you have to make sure to add to your calendar. You’re not an inconvenience. They’re just not ready for you.

2It’s usually a total cop out.

Especially if you met this person through a dating app, this is a completely wimpy way to let someone down. If it’s not “the right time” to get serious about someone, why are they on the damn app at all? They could have made it clear in their profile. When someone says that it’s not the right time, they’re just really bad at being clear about what they want. Luckily, you don’t want to be around that kind of person anyway.

3It’s honestly never a good time to add someone major to your life.

When is there every a right time for anything? People who put off a good thing in the name of, like, just being “too busy” are infuriating. Like getting a promotion, having kids, or your cat dying, it’s never a good time for huge life changes! There is no such thing as a right time to fall for someone. When it goes down, it goes down.

4It doesn’t tell the whole truth.

OK, sometimes it might not be a right time to change the status of a relationship you’re already in if you’re not ready for it yet. That’s fair. Work it out with your therapist. And if that’s the case, instead of claiming that it’s not “the right time” to move in together, get a dog, meet the parents, try to tell them how you actually feel about something. It might bring you closer and even give you a better idea about where your relationship is heading.

5You’re totally playing yourself.

Hearing that it’s not the right time at the moment can sound a lot like it might be a better time in the near future. Almost always, there won’t be. If someone tells you “it’s not a good time,” you are very likely to ever hear “oh okay, now is good, let’s go” from that person. As we already said, claiming that it’s not the right time is often just a seemingly nicer way to tell someone you don’t want to be with them. Yet, you can catch yourself waiting for someone to be done with whatever they’re doing and come back to you. Or, if you’re the one using the right time excuse, you can end up accidentally leading someone on, which is never cool. Instead of believing in some mystical “right time,” be more honest with yourself and your partners about what you want.

Advertisement