How I learned to get over being impatient while dating
Several weeks ago, I experienced an awesome first date. Coffee grew into an awesome connection filled with endless possibilities and mushy feelings I only felt comfortable sharing with my mom. Our great conversation was followed by a plethora of text messages exchanging sarcasm, flirtation and food. Anxious to see where this would go, found myself reaching out slightly more than usual. Noticing our infrequent communication, I tried to continue this conversation by asking tons of predictable questions. In a world where retailers offer same-day delivery options and smartphone applications remove the wait for a cab, I had to remind myself that a healthy, working relationship requires endless patience and consistent work.
Our level of communication shrank noticeably. At first I was frustrated. Questions like, “didn’t he like me?: filled my day. Confused and irritated, the thought of giving up had crossed my mind. It would be so much easier to close the book and move onto something easy. The keyword being easy.However, on the rare occasion that we did communicate, I could feel myself growing with intellect and humor, leading me to crave more time with him. Unable to communicate with him on a regular basis drove me crazy. Here’s how I learned to combat my impatience in the dating world.
Talk about it
Even though it would be much easier to avoid talking about something uncomfortable, I’ve found it most helpful to get a solid understanding of where the other person is coming from. It wouldn’t make sense for him to express interest and then fall off the face of the planet. Turns out, he had major deadlines coming up for work and needed time to fine tune his applications. His limited communication had nothing to do with me.
Try to see it from their point of view
Once I learned that it wasn’t that he was blowing me off, but that he had to focus on other things, I started to think about the situation from outside my own perspective. It’s OK to be persistent, but clinginess is not that great. I realized that if I’m interested in someone, it’s wise to support them by giving them space.
At first I was angry. Angry that he wasn’t communicating. And angry with myself for not identifying and addressing the issue sooner. But the more you think about how you would hope someone else might see your situation, the more you realize that you should be open-hearted. Take deep breaths. Talk to a friends. Go on a walk. Don’t obsess.
Enjoy the time you share together
On the rare occasion that we were able to share a meal or a movie together, I tried to make the most of it. I’d make fun of his car constantly breaking down and he’d retaliate. It was fun and cute.
Life is short. Stuff happens. Sometimes you’ll be able to share an entire Sunday together over endless cups of coffee. Other times, you’ll get one sentence in the whole day and that’s it. Enjoy it. It may be short-lived, but in the end, that’s okay.
[Image via iStock]