Having good sex is important to most people. But sometimes we can be our own biggest obstacle to having the super hot sex we want. Of the many things that can ruin good sex (hey, it doesn’t come easily, pun very much intended), one of the worst is the voice in your head. You know the one — the voice that tells you your body doesn’t look like it should, or that wonders where you’re going to grab dinner after this whole thing. Sometimes the thoughts are valid (always make sure you get dinner afterwards), but more often than not, those thoughts are worthless — and distracting. There are a few things to stop worrying about for hotter sex.
For the best sex to be possible, you have to at least suspend your worries for the time being.
Incredible sex doesn’t always mean having an orgasm, but for the record, a lot of worrying can really get in the way of finishing with a bang. Otherwise, having super satisfying sex means just living in the moment, which even the most anxiety-prone of us can hopefully do from time to time.
Here are some things to stop worrying about mid-sex so you can just enjoy yourself.
This is the big one, so let’s get it out of the way. People in general always seem to be worrying about their bodies, which isn’t a great pastime at any moment, let alone in bed. Worrying about what you look like or what someone thinks about your bod during sex is pretty defeatist. If you’re in any stage of nakedness and about to get it on, you almost assuredly look damn good. Just saying.
2What your partner is thinking.
Pleasure goes both ways, so yes, you definitely want to pay attention to little cues and body language that indicate whether or not your partner is comfortable and having a good time. But sex is not the time to worry if your partner is in love with you or if they’re thinking about Eva Mendes (which, hey, that’s fair). If you have relationship concerns or worries, deal with them before you get at it.
3Whether or not you’re doing it “right.”
Everyone has performance nerves, but there really is no one correct way to have sex. If you’re worried that your partner doesn’t like your oral technique or something, there are ways to work that out with dirty talk or a quick conference before or afterwards. No need to waste energy during the deed to overthink it. The best “sex moves” come from actually enjoying what you’re doing and paying attention to how much the other person is enjoying it.
For our vagina-bearing readers, this can be real: Far too many women spend too much time during sex worrying about the smell of their vagina or whether their pubic hair grooming technique is up to par. Remember that your vagina is beautiful and awesome and likely just smells like a vagina, as it should. Instead of worrying, revel in the fact that someone else is enjoying it. It’s a prize, not something to hide.
5Your “O” face.
Nothing is going to ruin the moment more than worrying about what you look like while you’re enjoying sex. It’s true, people can look goofy AF during sex or anytime when they’re really letting themselves go. Your partner probably looks objectively “weird” when they’re getting off, but does that bother you or diminish your enjoyment of the moment at all? Of course not. No one’s paying attention to your facial expression while you get off, and if they are, they’re probably loving it.
Worrying about the noises you make while enjoying sex or the sometimes hilarious noises that come with super fun, next-level sex is just going to ruin the moment. Stopping to be self-conscious about a queef or a moan is just a waste of time.
7Whether or not you can come.
If you’re totally focused on reaching an orgasm, or whether your partner can, you’re totally missing the point. Not all sex has to end with a dramatic orgasm or even end in penetration. The more significance you place on the “orgasm,” the worse your orgasms will end up being. Pressure — whether it’s placed on yourself or someone else — is seriously not sexy.