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Alexis Dent
November 19, 2016 2:02 pm

No matter how old you are, fighting with your BFF never gets any easier. Like seriously, tension with your best friend is like a negative 45 on the fun scale. But, as with most things in life, it can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes we have to traverse the rocky road of interpersonal warfare and come to a peaceful resolution. So the next time you find yourself in a fight with your best friend, there are some questions to ask your BFF when you’re in a fight.

It’s not like asking some of these questions will get things back to BFF-paradise right away, but it’s a good step. Always remember, as hard as it can be, to try to see the other side of the disagreement (even if it’s AW-ful) and be as empathetic as possible. Sussing out if there is an issue or what can be done to mend it isn’t easy, but these questions should get things rolling.

Why are you mad at me?

This is absolutely crucial in getting to the root of a disagreement. Before you can solve the problem, you need to know what the problem is. And sure, your BFF may waste no time in telling you why she’s upset, but you’ve got to dig a little deeper than the surface. For example, your bestie might tell you she’s upset because you didn’t meet her for happy hour last week.

But by asking her why exactly she’s mad at you, you can get to the heart of the issue. “I’ve been feeling abandoned since you’ve canceled our happy hour three weeks in a row now,” might be the core of your BFF’s anger towards you. Maybe it’s something bigger you didn’t notice. By finding the root of the disagreement, you can grab it by the weeds and take care of business.

Will you forgive me?

Honestly, sometimes the answer might be no. Or maybe your bestie can’t forgive you yet. But in most scenarios, you and your friend will be able to resolve the disagreement with an honest apology and genuine remorse for hurting their feelings.

Where do you want to go from here?

Depending on the severity of the blowout, you and your BFF may need to establish what’s next in your friendship. Perhaps that’s some space, if the nature of the fight is really severe. Conversely, maybe your bestie just really needs more quality time and you two can start ASAP to make an effort to mend the wounds created by this fight.

What can we do to resolve this?

Figuring out how to handle this as friends is one thing; making sure it stays in the past is another. As with any disagreement, it’s important to leave it in the rearview mirror. However, for this to be done there needs to be a clear resolution to the conflict. In the case of a jilted friend, apologizing and saying you’ll spend more time together isn’t enough. You actually have to show up and follow through on the solution to your disagreement. Without definitive resolution, this fight will remain a thorn in your friendship that keeps resurfacing and no one wants that.

How do we make sure this doesn’t happen again?

No one wants to fight with their BFF. It’s like the worst thing ever. Having a frank conversation about both of your wants, needs, and feelings as friends is super crucial. Just like acknowledging all the good things you guys give each other is essential. If you’re best friends with the person in the first place, chances are you’re pretty comfortable being open with them. Make sure that extends to your friendship with each other as well; put everything out in the open for your best chance at avoiding history repeating itself.

Want to go grab food?

Because nothing says “best friends forever” like a couple slices of pizza and a frozen margarita.

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