Well that sucked. Maybe not the whole thing, but the breakup part really sucked. Ending a relationship can leave your heart feeling like a dried up leaf. It’s going to be okay though, I promise. We break up for a reason. Sometimes the reasons are really obvious and you feel sadly relieved. Other times the reasons aren’t totally obvious immediately, but they will slowly reveal themselves as time goes by.
Most of my breakups have included a lot of Cat Power and excessive sleeping and crying (though not always simultaneously). Definitely cry yourself out. Cry as much as you possibly can. Punch pillows. Sleep all day. Call your friends and buy a new dress that makes you temporarily forget about the ache in your heart. But eventually, girl, you’re going to have to start doing some things that make your heart feel stronger and better.
While time is truly the best healer of hearts, here are a few ideas to help make your heart rise from the dead and start feeling a bit more magical again:
1. SEE FLAMENCO, BE MESMERIZED
Seeing flamenco for the first time is mesmerizing, powerful and insanely beautiful. The stern look on each dancers face, glowing with the wisdom of a woman, is enough to make you shiver in your bones. The power of flamenco is felt not only in the stories the dances depict, but in the incredibly demanding sound of their steps and movements. You’ll leave feeling on fire, curious and beautiful. Ex who?!
2. BINGE-WATCH THE PAIN AWAY
Okay, so maybe this isn’t far off from what you’ve been doing, but the idea of wearing soft, worn-in pajamas, eating five bags of popcorn and getting totally absorbed in crime documentaries and crazy Gossip Girl drama, sounds like therapy to me. Give your mind a tiny rest and enjoy the TVs distracting plots and twists.
3. LEAVE LITTLE NOTES
Have you ever stumbled across a random note on the street or on a café table and thought it to be some sort of universal sign that humanity is not doomed, you’re not unlovable and that perhaps the human heart can always rejuvenate? Write out a few tiny sentiments on a piece of paper and leave them in random places around town. Maybe someone won’t notice, but then again, maybe it’s just what they’ll need to keep believing in magic. It will also remind you how much love you have in your heart, despite feeling a little run down.
4. SHRED GUITAR IN A SOUND ROOM
Every music store has a room to try out instruments in. Why not summon your inner Cat Power or Electrelane on a shiny brand new guitar? Broken hearts have created some of the most incredible music around. Don’t play guitar? Two words: Drum kits. Toss the script, go nuts on those drums and maybe you’ll discover something new that pulls at your heartstrings (see what I did there?!)
5. GET A MASSAGE, JUST BECAUSE
Processing a breakup can take so much out of you emotionally, and eventually the toll makes its awful presence in the form of your body. Don’t forget that while your heart needs mending, your body does too. Massages are incredibly therapeutic for your soul, your limbs and brain.
6. GO TO DINNER BY YOURSELF
This one probably sounds scary. It seems like the opposite of what any recently single person wants to do, but I guarantee you’ll feel better after you reclaim meal times are your own personal treat. Bring a book for backup company and take in the scenery. Take a good long time to eat your meal and definitely treat yourself to dessert.
7. GET YOUR DANCE PARTY ON
Before I proceed I’m gonna Mom you and encourage you to tell a friend specifically where you are going, when you get there and when you get home. Once you’ve checked in with a friend make your way to the dance floor and let your hair down. Not a good dancer? That’s never stopped me. Moving your limbs around and getting all the weird feelings out in your uninhibited dance moves will leave you feeling freer and less serious about all the serious stuff life has recently thrown at you. Have fun, femmefolk, wear something Cher would be impressed with, and if Cher aint’ your thing, be the most handsome dance master there.
Right now everything feels fuzzy and dark, and your poor eyelids probably feel like sleeping bags. This is going to pass, it always has and it always will. You’re not broken, you’re not alone and life has so many beautiful things in store for you.
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