Have you ever been with someone who just couldn’t seem to pick up what you were putting down? And no matter what you did, there was constant miscommunication? It’s probably because you’re speaking different languages. No, not French and Spanish. We’re talking about something little deeper — love languages. According to relationship guru Gary Chapman, there are five love languages He even wrote an entire book about it that is kind of a big deal. Chapman believes that in order to have a successful relationship, your ideal partner should be fluent in the love language you most relate to. Otherwise, your core needs could remain unmet and your relationship might not reach its full potential.
So, what are these mysterious languages that could improve the way we date? Glad you asked!
The five languages are: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch.
To determine what your love language is, you can take the quiz here. (Come on, we know you’re looking for a distraction from your work day). We all have a primary and a secondary language, and much like your personality — your love languages probably won’t change over time. And since this is something that will follow you throughout your life, why not take a moment to better understand the way you tick in relationships?
Once you do, these six things might change.
1You’ll waste less time choosing a partner.
When you learn your love language, you’ll become more aware of what you want and need from your relationships. If your love language is “receiving gifts,” you probably won’t want to date someone who’s a die-hard minimalist. There’s no need to waste your time and risk not having your needs met if your potential partner has made it clear that he or she has no intention of attempting to learn your language. Don’t worry, your “just because” cards and flowers are out there.
2You gain a better understanding of past relationships.
Finding out your love language can be an eye opening moment. This new information may provide more clarity as to why some of your previous relationships didn’t last. If your primary relationship language was revealed to be “words of affirmation,” and you’ve mostly dated partners who had difficulty expressing emotions and reassuring you verbally, that’s your reason right there.
3Your communication skills improve.
Now that you know your long language, you’ll more than likely force your significant other to take the test too. You know, for the greater good of your relationship. The first step in learning a new language: identify which language you’re trying to learn. Once you do, your communication skills will only get better because it’ll be easier to explain what you need from your partner.
4You’ll feel happier in your relationship.
You’ve found your love language, you’ve taken the time to communicate this information to your partner, and everyone is making real effort to keep the relationship alive. Awesome. Chances are you’ll feel more understood and appreciated than ever before. If your love language turned out to be “physical touch,” then little gestures like your partner reaching for your hand and randomly kissing your face will definitely make your heart happy.
5Your birthdays will be so much better.
Listen. Now that you and your partner both understand your love languages, birthdays (or any gift giving holidays) will be so much better. If your love language is “quality time,” then your partner will now know that instead of an over-the-top gift or surprise party, the thing you might want most is something with just the two of you. Maybe a quiet dinner or the classic Netflix and Chill? You’re both so busy with life and obligations — these low-key moments with your boo are what truly matter to you, and now they know that.
6You become better at compromising.
If you’re currently in a relationship that you’re hoping will last, then compromises are necessary. This is even more true after learning your love language. If you like “acts of service” and your boo likes “physical touch”, a great compromise would be asking them to help you fold some laundry instead of watching TV all day. Maybe in return you’ll be the big spoon all night, even though you’re not a big cuddler.
It’s worth noting that while love languages are mostly geared towards romantic relationships, they can factor into and improve the way we relate and interact with everyone we love.