Karen Fratti
September 25, 2017 3:00 pm
New Line Cinema

From basically the moment we are born, people are telling us about soulmates. Think about it: When two babies are the same age and still pooping in their pants, some well meaning adult will invariably say, “OMG they’re totally going to grow up and get married” all because they are playing in the same sandbox. Turn on any movie — literally any freaking movie — and the entire thesis is very likely that the two main characters were MEANT for each other. But to be very honest, the idea of a soulmate is complete and utter BS. We’re sorry to break it to you.

Maybe it’s not the *idea* of a soulmate as much as it is the supposed logistics of a soulmate that suck.

Because the idea of two people being created just to make each other happy is adorable. It’s cute. It gives us out here in the dating game some sense of purpose beyond just killing time together. Most of us are looking for The One, right? But seriously, this whole soulmate game is self-defeating and likely holding us back. Here are just a few of the many, many reasons why.

1How are you supposed to find them!?

If you actually believe in “souls” and past lives and sh*t, the idea of a soulmate is kind of inevitable. But how likely is it that you and your past love go to the same college or end up working in the same city in this lifetime? What if your soulmate lives on a different continent, and you’re scared of flying? Just… Ugh, there are too many people out there and so many different paths one can take in life that it might be impossible to ever meet your *actual* soulmate, which, seriously, means you should just give up now. And you should give up…on the notion of one soulmate.

2Because the things that make you compatible aren’t by chance.

People often consider their soulmate to be someone who just totally gets them and all of their ideas and hobbies and things. If you don’t believe in soulmates, a lot of this just comes down to compatibility. You should be happy you found someone to love who also loves that obscure band or art or eating pizza for all three meals everyday. But, like, you weren’t born loving those things. Believing that it’s some mystical thing really discredits your very good taste.

3Because we all grow up.

OK, fine, you are always you deep down. Maybe. But the person who could be your “soulmate” at 22 years old might not be the same as the one when you’re 34 years old. Like, we all grow up and evolve and end up having different values and goals based on experience. If there’s only one person for you, that doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room for emotional growth, ya know?

4Because believing in many soulmates is more fun.

Just like we have many best friends throughout different stages in life or best friends for different parts of our lives, why not believe that the same is true for romantic love? Hopefully, the people you love always bring out the best version of you. But there can be a lot of candidates for the role.

5Because true love doesn’t have to be forever.

Believing in just one true love can set you up for some crazy emotional stuff. Because we all grow and evolve, sometimes even the truest love doesn’t last forever — and that’s OK! Why write off that amazing, fulfilling relationship from your 20s as “not the real thing?” It totally was real. They were soulmates for that moment of your life and then maybe you grew out of each other, and that’s fine too.

The idea of a soulmate can be really confusing if you fall deeply in love with more than one person throughout your life. Like, which one was the Real Deal™ and which ones were placeholders? You shouldn’t have to torture yourself with all that.

6Because it makes it heavier than it should be.

If you spend all of your time looking for your soulmate based on some crazy checklist you created while watching Sex and the City, you might be missing a lot of great action. And there are many people who will make you laugh, make you strive to be the best version of yourself, and let you love them back. That’s what its all about, right? When it comes to true loves, the more the merrier.

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