Is it just us or does sex actually get better after a breakup? It does, right? Trying not to sleep with your ex can be trying AF. You know it’s good, they know how to get you off (hopefully), and it’s easy…or at least familiar. You don’t have to work for it, put on makeup, and go out on the hunt for some fresh sex. All you have to do is make that call, but it can be hella confusing. Which is why you should think long and hard before sleeping with your ex.
Because once you get back in bed with someone, it’s hard not to start feeling the feelings again.
Sometimes it can actually be a good thing! You’ll have people tell you it’s a bad idea, but sleeping with an ex can help alleviate some of the “psychological distress” that comes with a breakup, according to a recent study out of the University of Arizona. It all depends on how “over it” you are. If you’re having trouble getting over a breakup, sex can alleviate some of that. It can also trick you into thinking you’re getting back together, which may or may not be the case.
Before you sleep with an ex, you have know the answers to some questions.
1Do you secretly want them back?
It’s OK if you do and you’re hoping that the sex will bring you and your ex back together. Likely, though, it won’t. It’s probably a good idea to NOT have ex-sex if you want to get back together, and you know that your partner doesn’t. Knowing whether or not you can separate your emotions and your physical needs is crucial.
2Does it make you smile?
Do you leave the sex happy? Like, when you finally pull your jeans on and head out, do you feel good? Or do you sort of feel like shit and wish you hadn’t responded to the late-night booty call? Saying no next time might actually bring you joy (or at least spare you a bit of misery).
3Is it going to be OK to wait again?
You aren’t together anymore, so you might have sex one weekend and then not again for ages and ages. And they don’t have to call or text you or buy you dinner. There is no woo-ing with ex-sex. It’s just sex. If you’re still crushing on them and plan on waiting for a text the next day, stay far, far away unless you know you’ll be OK with that.
4Is the sex worth it?
This is a big one, whether or not you’re still in love. Now that you’re single, you should be getting quality booty at all times. Let’s face it, sometimes when we love someone, we learn to love their sex. Like, the sex alone isn’t mindblowing outside the context of having active romantic feelings for them. If you’re going back to an ex to get some, and it’s just MEH? Not worth the headache.
5Are you staying the night?
OK, so now that we’ve established that you’re likely going to sleep with your ex, you should have a plan of attack. Since you’re single now, you can sort of call the shots. Make sure you have a good idea about what should go down after doing the deed. Are you going to run out of there or have a sleepover? What do they want to do? It’s good to know ahead of time so that you don’t have to waver on the spot and get roped into something you don’t really want.
6Can you keep your mouth shut?
Sleeping with your ex works if you don’t have unresolved issues. If you do have unresolved issues and decide to get physical again, can you not ruin a good thing by fighting again? Decide ahead of time if it’s possible to bang your ex without getting into a fight or feeling like crap afterwards.
There’s no shame in sleeping with your ex. Just make sure you do it the right way.