Breaking up is hard to do. There’s even a freaking song about it! (OK, actually there are like a million songs about it.) And while everyone gets through a breakup differently, there are some post-breakup habits you should stop doing, since they’re possibly doing you more harm than good. Of course, we pass no judgement if you’ve been eating ice cream for breakfast for six days straight or can’t help checking your ex’s Instagram account every three minutes.
Breakups can make us all a little crazy.
But that doesn’t mean we should forget what’s important to us or the best ways to take care of our physical and mental health. Let’s just all agree that after a breakup, everyone is allowed a grace period to do whatever the hell they want. But after some time, and especially after a certain age, there are post-breakup habits that you need to stop doing altogether.
We promise that once you ditch the bad habits, you’ll start to feel better and moving on will get easier day by day. And the sooner you move on, the sooner you can get to know yourself a little better, figure out what went wrong, and maybe even get back out there and find your next true love.
A lot of us have the best friends in the whole wide world who just want us to get back out in the world after a breakup. Often, this means getting drunk. Like, really, really drunk. Sure, having a crazy night out with your friends and connecting with the people who are still in your life after a breakup is totally necessary. But using booze or anything else to make your forget that you’re hurt or sad isn’t the way to go, at least not as a long-term strategy. At some point, you’re going to have to deal with yourself.
2Calling and texting.
Just stop. Put the phone down. Block their number if you have to. Whether it’s you or your ex initiating contact, texting and calling to hash out that last fight you had or cry about how you want to get back together is not the way to go. Cut the ties for a little bit.
3Looking for closure.
Here’s a little PSA for everyone: Closure is not something you “get” or “find.” Closure is actually something you do. If you’re social media stalking or ex, or moping around around because you didn’t get any “closure,” you sort of need to knock it off. Closure is actually putting the past relationship behind you and moving on. You don’t “deserve” answers or anything from your ex (and they don’t deserve anything from you).
Stop being mean to yourself! Whether you feel guilty for breaking someone’s heart or can’t stop thinking about what you did wrong that lead to the breakup, you need to stop. Mulling everything over and letting your self-talk get mean only makes things worse. Yes, evaluating your behavior and learning from your bad relationship is a good thing, but beating yourself up is harmful. If you’re really hurting, reach out to someone and ask for help.
5Cutting all ties.
Just because you and your ex loved the deli on the corner and you might run into them does not mean you don’t deserve to get that delicious wrap you love. You don’t have to cut every single thing that reminds you of your ex out of your life, whether it’s a show you love, friends you shared, or the best dive bar in your neighborhood. You’re still you, and you deserve to enjoy the things you love
6Doing anything to the extreme.
Whether you’re sleeping too much or staying out all night with friends, you have to find some balance. Eating too much (or not enough) for the first six weeks or so is normal. But if, months after the breakup, you’re still living in a dark room filled with take-out boxes watching Mandy Moore movies something is seriously wrong. Check yourself and make sure you’re OK (and maybe talk to a professional so they can check you too).