We’ve all been stuck on former love interests, and while it’s easy to get hung up on what used to be or could have been, it’s not constructive to cling to something that’s never going to happen. Take it from a lady who has wasted years on a parade of unworthy men: You’re better off focusing your energy on meeting somebody new, and you’ll feel so relieved when your thoughts are no longer consumed by someone who is never going to come through. Here are some signs that you should close this chapter in your life, forget about the past, pick yourself up and start fresh. (You can do this!)
10. You still stalk his/her Facebook page
This is why I fully support de-friending one’s ex-boyfriends. When you consistently pull up his Facebook page to see what he’s been up to without you, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Maybe he’s tagged in a couple recent photos or has a few new female friends. If you’re obsessively tracking his online behavior, you ought to find something else to fixate on.
9. You also wonder about his new female friends
Do not fall into this trap, and whatever you do, don’t Google-stalk these ladies. I’m not proud to admit I’ve done digging on former flames’ new girlfriends before, and nothing good ever came out of learning more about them. I just felt like a creepy jerk who thought putting down a woman I didn’t even know would ease my heartbreak. It doesn’t.
8. You read old texts or email exchanges to remember the good times
Maybe one day you can look back fondly on these chats, but right now, they’re not helping you move forward. They’re keeping you in the past, and your former special someone sure isn’t there anymore.
7. You turn to him and turn to him because it feels safe
Maybe you call him up when you’re lonely and nothing better has come along. This is unfair to you both, especially if one person still has feelings for the other.
6. You bring this person up in conversation way too often
Your friends could be talking about malaria and you’d still figure out a way to weave him/her into the discussion. It feels like you’re keeping the relationship alive, but you’re making it harder on yourself and those who don’t want to see you get hurt.
5. You look at old photos everyday
In high school, I carried around pictures of my ex-boyfriend, who’d graduated and moved away, every morning to act like he was still in my life. It’s not a healthy habit to get into. You don’t have to delete all the photos, but looking at them constantly isn’t good for your mind.
4. Acquaintances and non-friends know all about him
You talk about him so much, your coworkers, acquaintances, neighbors, etc., know more than they need to know about your relationship. This is a sign to start talking about something else!
3. You refuse to update your various social media platforms
If you’re anything like me, your Twitter feed, Instagram and Facebook pages make it clear that you’re taken, but if you’re newly single and still set your profile pic to an image of you both, it’s time to switch things up. I know, I know, it’s annoying to be bombarded with questions from curious onlookers, but remember this isn’t about them. It’s about you taking steps, however tiny, to move on.
2. You cry all the time
It’s OK to miss someone who once meant the world to you, but I know for a fact that sobbing oneself to sleep gets pretty exhausting after a while. After a while, there are only so many tears you can shed before crying feels useless. Let yourself feel whatever you need to move on, but if you’re in a constant state of depression for weeks or months, it’s probably time to look for someone who isn’t going to make you feel so low.
1. You don’t want to move on
I know this situation all too well. You hold out hope that maybe circumstances will change and you can be together again, and though a lot of couples happily reconcile after a certain amount of time, it could get your hopes up. Perhaps it’ll take you a while to move on, but try not to stay in this stunted place for too long. You could be missing out on your next great love.