6 little things that spark big relationship talks

Welcome to boo season, that time of year when everyone around you seems to be coupling up and settling down. The air gets colder and our hearts get warmer. Maybe it’s the pumpkin spiced lattes, the mistletoe, or the sparkly dress and the New Year’s kiss. Whatever it is, everyone seems to be pairing off faster than an ‘N SYNC slow song at a summer-camp social.

I believe it was the legendary Blink 182, who crooned about all the small things. ‘Cause that’s the foundation of a relationship, you guys–the little things. It’s the casual banter and the little moments that spark the great relationship talks. But what do I know? My therapist strongly suggested that I (or any of my personalities) “do not under any circumstances give dating advice.”

Without further ado, here are all the small things in life that seem to lead to “the big scary relationship talk.”

1. How you save his number in your phone

Is he just a 310, 917 or 617 followed by some more digits you’ll never remember or did you actually save his number? Maybe he’s a “Mike” or “Mike Johnson” (FACT: 64% of the guys you date will be named Mike, Matt, or John). Perhaps he’s saved as “Boo,” “Bae,” or “Future Boyfriend.” Or maybe you call him so much he’s now saved as a favorite in your phone? Or maybe you saved him as “Not Your Boyfriend” or “Just Not That Into You,” in an attempt to not text him, but you still do?

What I’m trying to say is how you save him in your phone, followed by how he sees how you save him in your phone could lead to the, “Hey so are we seeing other people?” talk.

2. Weekend plans

Are you having brunch on the reg? Do you still have to ask him what he’s doing this weekend? Or is the date implied? Are you filled with uncertainty when it’s Thursday and he hasn’t made any concrete plans with you? Or worse, you’ve talked about the weekend and he has plans, but they don’t involve you. . .unless you want to go wine tasting with his ex-girlfriend and her friends, which he knew you wouldn’t be into. WHY IS HE STILL HANGING OUT WITH HIS EX GIRLFRIEND?! (Sorry this one is hitting too close to home).

I hear sometimes “couples” spend “weekends” “together.” What I’m trying to say is, if your weekend plans automatically involve each other, than I think this is leading to a talk.

3. Couples costumes

Halloween’s coming up and he asks you what you’re going as. You flirtatiously say, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer.” He suggests he go as a vampire so you can “slay” him. You ask if he plans on going as Spike or Angel. He gets the reference. Sounds like you have found yourself a candidate with whom to discuss becoming “official.”

4. Friends-giving

If you live far away from home–where it doesn’t seem worth it to spend $500 to see your family when you can hardly stand Turkey and canned cranberry sauce–you might find yourself at a friends-giving. Like the hit TV show, this involves your friends having a potluck Thanksgiving gathering. If he asks about your turkey day plans and then invites you, or you invite him as a your plus one, then this might lead to the, “so I’m introducing you as. . .?” conversation.

5. Wedding invites (not yours) and other special occasions

Like friends-giving, any event that involves a plus one, or a “plus one you have to fight for,” may lead to a, “well, do you want to come with me to this wedding in June?” conversation. This also applies to concert tickets. Because planning ahead is a MUST.

6. The toothbrush and other toiletries

Can you leave a toothbrush there? Like a travel-sized one? Or is he lecturing you on how to squeeze the toothpaste? What about tampons? Does he let you leave a box there or does he still believe you don’t use the bathroom? The more you mark your territory, the more likely a conversation about that territory may arise.

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