When your horoscope app doesn’t have the answers, look to the stars for advice. And by that, we mean look to Gala Galactic, HelloGiggles’ resident zodiac advice columnist. If you’ve got zodiac questions, she’s got answers for Galactic Guidance: A Zodiac Advice Column. All you have to do is send your Qs to email@example.com. Happy stargazing!
— Type A Aries
Hey Type A,
Well, first and foremost, I would encourage you to get out of your roommate’s side of the pantry and mind your business. If you don’t poke your nose where your nose doesn’t go, you won’t keep finding yourself racked by these ineffable questions. But, if Cher has taught us anything, it’s that one can’t turn back time. So you poked around and now here we are, together, approaching one of life’s great mysteries: the mind of the Virgo Sun Sign.
I find it imperative to begin with a lesson in nuance. Yes, it’s true that Virgo people are often described as organized, but it might serve some of us to consider that there are many shades to that word. Methodical strikes a different tone, for instance, as does systematic. One can have a firm commitment to methodology in their lab and an inability to hang up their worn clothes. One can appreciate organizational systems, like Google Docs, and have no interest in throwing out old food from the fridge. In my experience, most Virgos are the living example of the phrase “there’s a method to my madness.”
Now that we’ve done some work to stretch the word “organized,” I’d like to propose another angle. Many of the qualities attributed to signs of the zodiac are based on each sign’s ruler. Virgo falls under the rulership of Mercury, god of information, travel, commerce, and translation—and of tricksters, too. But Mercury also lords over Gemini, which is mutable like Virgo, but an air sign instead of earth. Air element people are known for communication, connection, intellect, and abstract ideas. Earth element people—i.e. Virgos—on the other hand, are known for their practicality, creative labors, and sensuality. Both signs are interested in change—in themselves, in their peers, and in the world around them—but they’ve got different methodologies. While Gemini spends a great deal of time collecting and distributing information, Virgo sorts whatever information they’ve received into useful piles for further inspection and consideration. Whether those piles are useful or recognizable to you is not their immediate concern. Especially since, if they had it their way, no one would ever be privy to their piles.
Which brings us back to you and your roommate and the Case of the Garbage Pantry. There are many reasons why a Virgo might not prioritize food storage tidiness, some of which include:
1) They’re more interested in sorting their comic book collection in order of value. Then again in order of preciousness.
2) They have 20 different shades of red watercolors and are working on a color wheel to swiftly identify each one in case of a red emergency.
3) They were raised by wolves and will only live like wolves, don’t bother them.
4) They have lots of Taurus or Cancer in their natal chart and just want to swim around in food wrappers, feeling accomplished.
5) They just don’t give a fuck. (How monstrous!)
Anyway, whatever their reason, it’s best not to stare into the panty too long. Pondering the machinations of the Virgo brain is the path to madness, I promise you.
Yours in cleanliness,