From Our Readers
July 31, 2013 6:00 am

I don’t know if historians have yet uncovered the origin of Hollywood’s go-to dramatic “sliding slowly down a wall” move, but I imagine it began in some silent film of the twenties, perhaps when a kidnapped damsel in distress first slid slowly down a wall to express the hopelessness of her situation.

Since then, the move has taken on a life of it’s own. Whether actors are sliding slowly down a wall longingly after falling in love, or sadly after hearing about the death of a loved one, there is no shortage of wall sliding going on in modern media.

I’m not saying I’d do something so cliche, but people should know that sliding down a wall isn’t a move that’s just for actors. Even ordinary people can slide when they get good or bad news or if they are trying to make a point about how emotionally devastated they are about jeans shrinking in the dryer, for example. I have no way of knowing this for sure, but I would imagine that the move might help alleviate the stress and make you feel like an actress in a movie which is kind of a cool feeling if you can really get into it.

It might seem easy, but let’s be careful here, sliding down a wall slowly isn’t something that should be attempted without solid preparation and practice. Follow these steps to achieve a safe and perfectly melodramatic wall slide:

1. Stretch out those legs. The one thing that can really take you out of the moment is pulling a muscle, or even worse, the loud knee pop. Don’t ruin your perfect melodramatic moment with an injury.

2. Choose your wall surface carefully. I can’t even tell you how many wall slides I’ve seen people attempt only for them to end up getting stuck halfway or with a scratched, bruised back. Hint: avoid brick walls and doorknobs.

3. Wall slides can melodramatically express a variety of emotions, so mix it up. Wistfully slide when you’re thinking of that guy or gal you like, then later, descend into a depressed slide when that guy or gal you like leaves you.

4. Don’t slide too soon. Once you’ve slid down, you’re down there. There’s not really anywhere more dramatic to go from there, so be careful not to peak – or should I say, plunge, too soon.

5. Don’t overdo it. Once you’ve slid once, you’re going to crave that rush again, but like any other drug, the more you do it, the less powerful it becomes. So save those slides for the big moments in your life and they’ll be there for you for those exciting and depressing occasions well into old-age.

There are a lot of variations on the wall slide out there – naked shower slide, hanging up the phone while you slide, angsty high school locker slide, Great Wall slide, etc – but I think it’s important not to let the traditional slide get lost in all the fancy wall slide excitement. After all, expert sliders know that when the going gets tough, the tough get sliding down whatever wall they happen to be near.

Read more from Katie Petrachonis here.

Featured image via.

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