Kit Steinkellner
January 05, 2015 8:57 am

Goodbye 2014, helllllloooooo 2015. While beginning a brand new year is all kinds of exciting (new beginnings always are!) there is a special type of January tradition we are ready to do away with once and for all. What’s that you ask? Why, the annual tradition of making women feel way badly about themselves, and trying to sell them a whole bunch of things that they definitely do not need.

We get the impulse: new year, new you. But why would you want a new you, when the old you was already pretty great? Here are just a few of the things that ads are going to try tempt you with this month in the name of that good ol’ fashioned January self improvement (but trust us, you DO NOT need to spend your hard earned buckaroos on these items . . . unless you really want to, of course).

Juice Cleanses

What is it about January and juicing? Whatever your feelings on cleanses are (I think they’re pretty painful), buyer beware: if you’re a woman in the first month of 2015, you will be targeted by marketers all over the Internet and beyond, urging you to drink JUICE, JUST DRINK JUICE! Just do your research, and remember don’t feel pressured to eliminate chewing from your daily routine if you don’t want to.

Gym Memberships

The gym is great. Bikram yoga is great. SoulCycle is great (EXPENSIVE, but great). You should totally find a way to work some physical activity into your daily routine. But you have to be wary about all these fitness places trying to get you to join, like RIGHT AT THE START OF THE YEAR. They KNOW that the perennial New Year’s resolution is “Lose weight.” (And it’s 2015, so remember you’re beautiful just as you are.) A lot of these places are working hard to get your money know when they know you’re vulnerable. If that’s money you want to spend, spend it, but don’t plunk down serious bucks on fitness just because it’s January. Also, spoiler alert, when you are pumping it on the elliptical you will not look nearly as cheerful, shine-free, or well-manicured as the girl in the stock photo above. 

Marathons

I know this feels like selling women fitness, but it’s a little bit different, because selling marathon tickets/training workshops/gear at the top of the year is catching you right in your New Years Resolution-making stage of weakness and trying to get you to commit to running 26 miles. While that’s a super awesome goal, it’s a goal you maybe want to commit to when all the glitzy glamour dust of resolutions settles. Like around February.

Self-Help Books

Again, nothing wrong with self-help books, but there’s this huge push at the beginning of the year to FIX EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT THIS SECOND NOW, and that’s just a lot of pressure to put on January. So, as Billy Joel once said, “slow down, you crazy child,” you have all year to sort out your life.

Magazine-Inspired Makeovers

Look, every fashion magazine is going to tell you that you’re in a style/beauty rut, and that you need to clean out your closet and medicine drawer. I’m definitely not against cleaning (I’m BAD at it, but I’m not AGAINST it), but keep in mind one of the MAIN reasons they want you to clean that stuff out is so you can buy some new stuff. I TOTALLY get the “New Year, NEW ME!” fantasy, but I just don’t want you to spend $$$ chasing after a new image, when you could spend $ on a new lipstick and totally change up your game.

Maybe let’s put off the big purchases ’til February, OK? OK.

[Images , via, via, via, via and Shutterstock]

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