Jonathan Zipper
August 24, 2013 11:00 am

It can’t be that schools are already back in session. Can it? That means it’s only a matter of time before the Halloween candy and costumes hit the shelves and turkey, turducken and tofurky orders are placed for Thanksgiving — oh well, any reason to Instagram — right?

Okay, take a deep breath and remember there’s still plenty of 2013 left to go around. Now, before you unplug for a much needed study break, check out an all-new edition of “The Week In WHAT?!

Yearbook Superlatives: United States Edition

Time for a pop quiz! Which state do Americans say is the most rude and arrogant, but has the tastiest food and best (and worst?!) sports fans? If you’re struggling and need a hint, you can FUHGEDDABOUDIT! That’s right: we’re talking about New York. The team at SurveyMonkey polled their audience to pair states with their respective superlatives. When all was said and done, the Empire State landed itself as a top three pick in a number of categories. The distinction of “weirdest accent” went to Massachusetts, while people seem to think Louisiana is the “drunkest” state. For what it’s worth, Texas was named the least favorite state, and the one that most would prefer to see kicked out of the country. OUCH!

Delivery Via Snail Mail

This is the stuff that dreams are made of — that is, if those dreams turn out to be more like nightmares in the end. After scraping his knee while on vacay with his fam, four-year-old Paul Franklin of California ended the trip with a small gash that likely needed a Spongebob band-aid or two. When the cut became infected, leading to a pus pocket (ahhh!), an M.D. prescribed some anti-b hoping the knee would return to normal. It did not. That’s when doctor mom came to the rescue and cleaned the wound herself revealing a newborn baby sea snail, which hatched into life (or did he?) inside Paul’s knee. Yeah. Next time you cut yourself while playing on some jagged rocks, you might want to consider more than just a tetanus shot.

Projecting What’s Hidden Deep Down Inside

While we’re on the subject of things lodged or embedded underneath one’s epidermis, here’s something you probably shouldn’t try at home. A Brooklynite artist is single-handedly taking GIFs to the next level. LITERALLY. Anthony Antonellis recently implanted an RFID chip that can transmit a single GIF directly into his hand. The device uses an antenna and holds a whopping 1KB of data. He considers it the equivalent of a digital tattoo. You know, all for art’s sake.

Care For A Beer? Choose Wisely!

Attention, beer drinkers: if your frothy bev of choice is either Budweiser, Steel Reserve, Colt 45, Bud Ice or Bud Light, you *may* have a statistically higher risk of landing in the emergency room. A new study out of Johns Hopkins University revealed that these are the five most commonly “implicated” brands in alcohol-related hospital visits. Despite holding just under a mere 3% market share, four different malt liquors were associated with nearly 50% of the ER cases. Does that mean malt liquor leads to bad decision making or is drinking malt liquor a bad decision itself? A conundrum, indeed.

Is This Dragon Faux Real?

What if the stories told in “Game of Thrones” were actually non-fictional accounts of real life events? Well, then a dragon corpse washing up along the shoreline would be commonplace and NBD. Since Europe isn’t exactly Westeros, reported sightings (and images) of a dragon corpse on the beaches of Andalusia, Spain are causing a stir harder than little Joffrey Baratheon. Of course, the so-called carcases of mythical looking creatures have, in the past, proven to be nothing more than a local hoax. Let’s hope that’s the case once again. Otherwise, may Khaleesi have mercy on us all!

And there you have this week in “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!

Image via DobleLOL

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