Olivia Harvey
June 26, 2017 8:59 am
meretehab / www.instagram.com

We’ve caught wind of some devastating news coming out of the world of phallic natural landmarks. Norway’s Trollpikken, a natural rock formation resembling an erect penis, has been vandalized. Sadly, the “pikken” — Norwegian for a certain male body part — of Trollpikken has not simply gone limp, but has been entirely lopped off.

Before this tragedy struck, Trollpikken (guys, this name literally means “troll dick”) was a destination for naturists, hikers, and tourists with great senses of humor.

Climbing to Trollpikken’s peak evoked a sense of accomplishment and could really liven up an Instagram feed. Just ask these lucky women who snagged a date with Trollpikken before its problematic accident.

But the good times came to a dramatic halt on Saturday when joggers discovered Trollpikken’s pikken in a dismal state.

Now of course, nature grows and changes and sometimes natural rock penises break off after enduring years of human interaction. But Norwegian officials think this happening was far from organic.

Evidence that holes were drilled near the base of the pikken was found, leading authorities to suspect foul play. According to Mysterious Universe, damaging this rock formation could cost the vandals six years in prison.

But locals are standing up for their beloved rock and raising funds to re-erect the natural landmark. Within the first day of the crowdsourcing effort, Trollpikken activists have raised over 90,000 krone ($10,000).

Fundraisers hope to restore Trollpikken to its full phallic glory so future generations can get excited with and about nature. We have complete faith that the Norwegian public will fulfill this goal and that Trollpikken will stand prouder than ever in the near future.

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