Growing up a nerdy girl, I had certain unmentionable desires. Let’s face it: growing up liking the dorkiest dudes didn’t quite bode well throughout adolescence. But as a full-fledged geeky adult (I use the term adult loosely), I can love the geekiest of the geeks and admit it to the world with no guilt or shame. Here’s a compilation of the best nerdy gal crushes you have ever had (I know cause I’ve had them too).
#20 Tuxedo Mask (Voiced by Rino Romano, Toby Proctor and Vince Corazza)
Tuxedo Mask is a sort of gateway drug into the world of animanga boy crushes. Not only does Tuxedo Mask fit the gallant, masked crusader role, he’s a man of independent means. How many teenage boys do you know who own their own apartment and have top grades? He’s the kind of guy every high school-aged manga/anime geek girl dreams about. Who doesn’t love a guy with roses for weapons?
Tuxedo Mask: When you’re uncertain or worried, I’ll be there for you. I may have no power, but you called me here to you. If you need me… …I’ll give you… the strength of my soul.
#19 Big Pete and Little Pete (Mike Maronna and Danny Tamberelli)
The Adventures of Pete and Pete
Pete and Pete are some delightful gingers. Growing up, Pete and/or Pete showed me just how cute redheads with freckles can be. After they spent that whole summer trying to find Mr. Tastee and being scared of their shrinking shadows, I knew just how awesome they really were. I think they might have been the original hipsters with their tats, flannel, grungy look, and odd sensibilities (I bet they grew up to drink PBRs and listen to Sigur Rós). Not only did they make Petunia dance, they made my heart dance.
Older Pete Wrigley: She’s a girl, and she’s my friend, but she’s not my girlfriend.
Younger Pete Wrigley: Now begins the Age of Pete!
#18 Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar)
Saved by the Bell Time out! Zack Morris was the first man that bamboozled his way into my heart, so of course, he had to be on the list. Obviously, this isn’t the geekiest of crushes, but hey, Zack is pretty cheesy … it has to count for something. Besides, what other Bayside alum could get higher SAT scores than Jessie Spano, manage the Hot Fudge Sundaes, and still take Kelly to the Prom (Damn that Jeff from The Maxx. I’ll never forgive you, home wrecker!).
Kelly: Why aren’t you at the prom?
Zack: Oh, is that tonight? Gosh, I must have forgotten?
Kelly: There must have been 100 girls who would love to go with you.
Zack: Actually 106.
#17 Alistair (Voiced by Steve Valentine)
For anyone who has played the DND-like video game, Dragon Age, Alistair is probably one of your favorite companions. His awkward virgin ramblings, offbeat comedy, and sweet nature are charming even in the middle of an epic battle. And if you are so lucky, you can romance this handsome Grey Warden and share a tent with him. I know my elf was more than happy to see him in his boxer briefs (didn’t know those were around in Ferelden, but I guess so).
Alistair: That’s what I’m here for. To deliver unpleasant news and witty one-liners.
#16 Dr. Jack Shephard (Matthew Fox)
Doctors are sexy. And who else would you love to be stuck on a creepy, fantasy island with other than Dr. Jack Shephard?! He knows how to lead a team; he has a hot temper and always tries to do the right thing. His five o’ clock shadow brings the girls to the Dharma Initiative yard.
Kate Austen: Kind of stinks, huh?
Jack Shephard: What’s that?
Kate Austen: Being told not to come along. Now you know what it’s like to be me.
Jack Shephard: Does that mean I should wait 20 minutes and go anyway?
Kate Austen: Touché.
#15 Jareth the Goblin King (David Bowie)
I don’t need to explain this one too much: David Bowie, Muppets, magic, and did I mention David Bowie?! His crazy hair and crystal balls juggling act was just too much awesome for one movie. So, he is an evil kidnapper? Pshaw, we all have flaws.
Sarah: Give me the child.
Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up ’til now. I can be cruel.
Sarah: Generous? What have you done that’s generous?
Jareth: *Everything*! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations. Isn’t that generous?
#14 Darth Vader (Voiced by James Earl Jones)
Star Wars IV, V, VI
Like bad boys? Darth Vader is the definitive bad boy. He might be the greatest and most recognizable Jedi gone rogue, so you better believe he’ll bring your heart to the Dark Side. And sure, he might be overambitious (really, a DEATHstar?!), but alas, there’s nothing sexier than a man with a lightsaber and an evil plan.
Darth Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
#13 Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård)
This tall, blonde, scruffy Nordic vamp gets on the list because of his dashing good looks and badass attitude. Eric is perhaps one of the best characters in the True Blood series. He has all the traditional sexy vampire characteristics, but there is more to him than meets the eye. His sweet feelings for Sookie and tragic past experiences give him depth while making him even sexier….It was love at first bite.
Sookie Stackhouse: [In reference to Godric] He’s your maker, isn’t he?
Eric Northman: Don’t use words you don’t understand.
Sookie Stackhouse: You have a lot of love for him.
Eric Northman: Don’t use words I don’t understand.
#12 Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera)
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Well, for me it’s a no-brainer that Michael Cera had to be somewhere on this list. He has so many unforgettable geeky and cute roles. However, perhaps the most iconic of his characters is Scott Pilgrim. As he fumbles awkwardly into your heart, Scott Pilgrim also fights until the death with your evil exes. Ah, nothing like devotion you can measure in coins and 1ups.
Scott Pilgrim: You once were a ve-gone, but now you will be-gone.
Todd Ingram: Ve-gone?
#11 Brodie (Jason Lee)
We’ve all been there… gone out with guy that was straight out of a Kevin Smith movie a little self-absorbed and childish. Yet, there is something amazingly charming about Brody in Mallrats. Perhaps it’s his witty, sardonic nerdy speak that keeps you wanting more. Or maybe you love men that are outspoken about children playing on escalators. Either way, with his quiet desperation about his break-up and hilarious long monologues, Brody definitely makes the list of top geeky crushes.
Brodie: You’re gonna listen to me? To something I said? Hasn’t it become abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don’t know shit?
#10 Edward Scissorhands (Johnny Depp)
Someone with the sort of enigmatic charm as Edward Scissorhands possesses is a dream come true for an angsty teen girl. Edward Scissorhands is a bewildered, silent creation that gets thrown into a world he can’t fit into to, and his only connection to this new world is his love of Winona Ryder a striking blond beauty that is seemingly perfect. He is indeed the perfect emo crush: gangly, awkward and ridiculously handsome. And don’t forget, he can make a landscape art inspired by you. HAWT.
Bill: So Edward, did you have a productive day?
Edward: Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon’s going to be.
[turns to Peg]
Edward: You could have a cosmetics counter.
Peg Boggs: Oh, wouldn’t that be great!
Edward: And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.
#9 Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen)
Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Whether as a ranger, hobbit-minder, or king, Aragorn is a LoTR fangirl’s dream crush. He’s a one-woman sort of man, falling in love with Arwen at first sight despite her being a highborn elf and he a mortal human. A fierce warrior, he’s at all the major battles in the fight for Middle-Earth, but his ultimate reward is getting to live out the rest of his days with Arwen. It’s a fairy tale sort of crush. What elvish girl wouldn’t give up immortality for him? Plus, isn’t a sweaty Viggo exactly what the doctor ordered?
Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought I had wandered into a dream.
Arwen: Long years have passed. You did not have the cares you carry now. Do you remember what I told you?
Aragorn: You said you’d bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people.
Arwen: And to that I hold. I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.
[hands him her pendant]
Arwen: I choose a mortal life.
Aragorn: You cannot give me this.
Arwen: It is mine to give to whom I will. Like my heart.
#8 Captain Kirk (William Shatner)
What makes Kirk crush-worthy? One word: Sex. Kirk had the first interracial kiss on television with Lt. Uhura, he’s made out with a green lady alien, doctors, lawyers, he even traveled to the past and “hooked up” with a female biologist, simultaneously bringing back the whale population on Earth, since they were extinct by Kirk’s time; thereby, saving the Earth from destruction and restoring a species. How’s that for sexy?
Capt. Kirk: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its 5-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
#7 Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe)
Harry Potter (all of them!)
You couldn’t wait ‘til he turned 18—for totally harmless reasons of course! Harry Potter is a cute little nerd with magic. It would be any little girl’s dream to have him as a friend or a boyfriend. For my squealing inner 12-year-old girl, Harry Potter is a must-have on this list, and it isn’t just the butter beer talking.
Ollivander: He’s after you, Mr. Potter. You really don’t stand a chance.
Harry Potter: I suppose I’ll have to kill him before he finds me.
#6 Garrus Vakarian (Voiced by Brandon Keener)
Mass Effect Trilogy
Anyone who has ever played as female Shepard in the famous RPG, Mass Effect knows all about the lovable Turian, Garrus Vakarian. I know I’m not the only person that can look past his rough exoskeleton and appreciate the sarcastic, dark, and ever-so loyal Garrus. And that voice! His sexy, raspy voice puts a spell over me. He can talk calibrations with me anytime.
Commander Shepard: So when should I book the room?
Garrus Vakarian: I’d wait if you’re OK with it. Disrupt the crew a little as possible. Take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me, always like to savor that last shot before popping the heatsink.
Garrus Vakarian: Wait… that metaphor just went somewhere horrible.
#5 Sherlock Holmes (Benedict Cumberbatch)
Being a lit geek, I automatically fall in love with every sexy British literary character, but I must say BBC’s Sherlock is by far my fave literary crush. This extremely clever, sarcastic, obsessive psychopath genius is everything I would want in a consulting detective and in an unattainable crush. Someone that is so smart and so completely emotionally void poses a challenge, sure, but challenges can be intriguing and entertaining. Take me to 221B Baker Street, stat! My heart is Sherlocked!
Sherlock Holmes: It’s obvious, isn’t it?
John Watson: It’s not obvious to me.
Sherlock Holmes: Dear God. What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so BORING.
#4 Lee Adama aka Apollo (Jamie Bamber)
One word: Towel. Apollo is by far the sexiest member of BSG. With his awesome leadership skills and sexy come-hither stares, Lee Adama makes me wish I were battling Cylons on Galactica. I’ll be his Starbuck anytime… as long as he promises not to hide his killer bod under a fat suit. K? Thanks.
President Laura Roslin: You are the right one, Lee. You have always been the right one. My only concern about you is that you’re so hell bent on doing the right thing that you sometimes don’t do the smart thing.
Lee Adama: Well, I’ll try to be smarter, and wronger.
#3 Special Agent Fox Mulder (David Duchovny)
If you are anything like me, I started watching The X-files for the aliens and stayed for the Mulder. Agent Mulder, with his brown shiny hair and nerdy love of all things alien is exactly who you would want to rescue you from scary space invaders. And of course his sex appeal goes up a notch whenever you think of the crazy sexual tension between Mulder and his beautiful partner, Scully. Yes, I believe!…in Fox Mulder.
Special Agent Fox Mulder: Whatever happened to playing a hunch, Scully? The element of surprise, random acts of unpredictability? If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced.
[Pops a sunflower seed into his mouth]
Special Agent Fox Mulder: What are we doing up here, Scully? It’s hotter than hell.
#2 Doctor (David Tennant)
Alons-y! David Tennant makes any Whovian gush with his version of the Doctor. This Doctor’s whimsical attitude, delightful jokes, emotional unavailability kind heart, and boyish good looks make him a geek girl’s dream come true. Don’t you just want to ruffle his hair and hop on his TARDIS? Oh, if only I was as lucky as Madame de Pompadour, Rose, Martha, Donna… (the list goes on)!
Tenth Doctor: I’m the Doctor. I’m a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasteroborous. I’m 903 years old. And I’m the man who’s gonna save your life and the lives of all 6 billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?!
#1 Han Solo (Harrison Ford)
Star Wars IV, V, VI
Who doesn’t love a bad boy? Han Solo is the ultimate crush for any geeky gal. This Star Wars bounty hunter is the quintessential rebel with a heart of gold. Those big beautiful eyes and pouty lips would melt the heart of any gal in the galaxy. The best thing about Han is his confidence. Not only does he shoot Greedo first and doesn’t even flinch, he never apologizes for any of his other antics. Han Solo is just a regular space dude with a crazy amount of mojo and an insufferable need for danger. SWOON.
Princess Leia: I love you.
Han Solo: I know.
You can read more from Krystal Alvarez on her blog.
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