Kit Steinkellner
January 06, 2016 1:30 pm

When you think “scary noises” you probably think thunderclaps, wolves howling at the moon, the shower-stabbing music from Psycho, and so on and so forth.

What you probably DON’T think is “koala mating calls.” But you know what? Maybe you should. Maybe you SHOULD. Because the mating call of a koala is very scary. And very silly. Things can be scary and silly at the same time. Just check out this koala trying to get another koala to have sex with him:

No, we know. NO, WE KNOW.

The koala above, named the appropriately sexy “Storm,” lives at the Taronga Zoo in Sydney. And the zoo has a theory re: why koala mating calls sound like, you know, that.

“Research suggests male koalas like Storm let out these distinct calls to attract females and avoid confrontation with competitors,”  the zoo explains.

So yes, if we were a lady koala and we were looking for love and didn’t want to get eaten by a predator in the process, we would very much appreciate a sound that let us know, “Hey, it’s just me! Your hot koala boyfriend! Not an owl or an eagle or a python or a dingo! Come over to my tree, let’s go.”

I mean, they probably stop making that terrifying sound once they actually find their hook-up, right? Right?

Before we go judging koala gentlemen too harshly, let’s also remember that the female koala mating call doesn’t exactly sound like Enya’s “Paint the Sky with Stars”:

Look, whatever works for these marsupials. And it’s not like we humans can really judge the dating and mating habits of other animals. Go on Tinder for like three seconds. There it is, proof positive that we are  definitely the silliest species on Earth.  So you do you, koala bears, shout into the wind like you are frogs barfing up your lunch, it’s not like we can really judge.

(Image via Shutterstock)

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