The things you don't want to hear when you're in love
I remember when I fell in love for the first time, how it felt as if he and I were the only two people in the entire world. Almost like we created this gigantic love bubble that shielded us from everything and everyone else while we danced on puffy clouds and rode unicorns all day long. I mean, not really, of course. There were also a lot of gummy bears. But in all seriousness, being in love either the first or fifteenth time can make you feel all giddy and excited and a bit removed from the outside world. Then when other people insert their opinions or comments about it, you might find yourself feeling a bit deflated and resentful. When it comes to family or friends, they obviously only want the best for us, but sometimes even they need to be reminded that we do know what we’re doing. That being said, here are some of the things we really don’t want to hear when we’re in love.
You’re too young
“You have your whole life ahead of you! You don’t even know yet what love is!” I used to hear that a lot in my early twenties. But that’s a fallacy. You might end up with the person you’re dating or you might not. But it doesn’t change how you feel in that moment. You love that person right now, and yes as you get older you might learn to love with more wisdom from further experience, but it doesn’t mean you don’t know what it is at a younger age. And loving someone doesn’t mean that my whole life isn’t still ahead of me! My life isn’t going anywhere. Plus there are all different kinds of love! And young love is typically the most innocent, unfiltered and pure kind. Before the weight of too much cynicism in the world makes us more wary about using the word. And even if you come to the conclusion that you believed it was love at the time, but later you don’t think it was, that’s your right to figure it out. At any age.
You’ll change your mind
You might change your mind about a lot of things. But guess what? It’s your mind to change as you wish, not because someone knowingly, or worse condescendingly, told you that you will. And when you really love someone, being told this by someone who hasn’t the slightest idea of what has transpired between you and your partner (because only A and B knows what happens between A and B!) is pretty rude.
I want to introduce you to someone
This has happened to me so many times, I almost felt like I should stop telling anyone when I was dating someone new. I’d excitedly say, “I met this great guy” and start to extoll all the incredible things about him only to be met with everyone from friends to my own mother cutting me off mid sentence, equally excited about wanting me to meet someone they believed was perfect for me. I know most often it’s meant as a compliment, but not in these circumstances. It’s incredibly frustrating to want to share and gush about the new person in your life and to have it dismissed because apparently you haven’t met THE perfect person of your own accord. It can feel disrespectful, like they’re not paying attention or almost like they’re knocking your judgment was well as the person you’re with by saying “no no, you can do better, let me help you.
You’re moving too fast
Relationships move at varying speeds based on how you meet and get to know that person. Did you meet in school and see them every single day? Did you meet as complete strangers randomly in a coffee shop and have casual dates once a week for a month? As virtual strangers talking constantly online? Were you studying together abroad and bonded in a way that was completely different than you could have back home? Maybe you’ve even begun dating someone who you’ve known for a long time in a different capacity-like a friend- so the transition to love happens faster or more seamlessly than usual. An outside opinion at the rate at which your relationship is progressing is not always welcome, because you trust in what you’re feeling and you’re making moves based on that intuition.
When I was your age….
The “when I was your age” advice can tend to lead to a lot of eye rolling. Dating and relationships are constantly evolving. Just consider how far online dating has come, besides how people romantically interact in person upon meeting. My mother was told as a young woman to never go out with a guy unless he came to the door of her house and first respectfully met her parents. For most of my intro into dating, all of my friends agreed that you didn’t waste time on a guy who didn’t have the initiative to call you up on the phone and spend time having a genuine conversation. My sources who are currently in their early twenties claim that if you now wait for a guy to call you on the phone, you’d never ever go out on a date. I can’t vouch for any scientific proof behind their declaration, but I’m willing to believe that again things have changed from what I know, and instructing people to model their relationships and behavior based on how things were ten years ago or longer isn’t always the most helpful. Rather it’s often off-putting.
Remember, as I mentioned before, friends and family care about you, and their main goal is for you to be happy. Many of these things are said out of concern or love, even though it can feel like they’re trying to burst our bubble. And yes it can be annoying, but don’t get mad at them! You can gently tell them how you feel and that you are confident that you know what you’re doing but you appreciate them looking out for you. Because even if everything stays perfectly wonderful for you and your significant other, I promise they will still be late to dinner one night, or leave their dirty laundry lying around, or buy the wrong milk for the eighth time in a row and you’re going to need your besties and your fam around for some venting.
[Photo via Searchlight Pictures]