Rachel Paige
March 29, 2016 5:39 pm

Know how you have that one single friend? I am that single friend. By this point in my life, I’m everyone’s single friend. I can tell you for a fact that I am the only single lady on the HelloGiggles editorial team here in LA. It’s just like my ~thing~. I’m single.

I’m not complaining about being single, because I actually think it’s great. Yeah, sure, I’d really like a boyfriend to go with me to the movies, or out to a fancy dinner, but I’m not sitting at home, crying about it. Oh no. Far from that. TBH, being single I’m pretty sure I’m living my best life because I’m doing all sorts of things that I just KNOW Future Boyfriend would be like, “Hey, Rachel, can you not?”

If you’re single just like me, CONGRATS because it’s amazing. If you happen to find yourself in a committed relationship, that’s cool too, I guess. But these are all the things I did this last week, and you’re missing out on, because I am so, so super single.

Ate pizza three nights in a row (and one time for lunch)

Pizza is so good. Frozen pizza, delivery pizza, all the pizza, it’s great. Why not eat it for every meal, huh? Why not eat it Friday for lunch, and then again Friday for dinner (it was a different pizza), and then also the next day, and then the day after that? If eating pizza three days in a row is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Ate a donut three days in a row

And they were all good.

Put off grocery shopping for four days 

It’s because I was waiting until the day after Easter to buy reduced Easter candy at Target, okay?

Went to Ikea on Easter

I try to strategically plan my weekend Ikea trips for when I KNOW there won’t be many people there. Sometimes I go Saturday night at 8pm, because #single. I decided to hedge my bets, and went at 3pm on Easter, and it paid off. There were a dozen or so screaming children, but other than that, I was in and out very fast. Also I’m Jewish, so it just felt like the right thing for me to do as a young, single, Jewish woman in Los Angeles. Might as well go and buy some LED lights.

Bought $50 worth of leftover Easter candy at Target

Living your best life means you doing you, and me doing me means going to Target the day after a major holiday and buying as much candy as possible. I KNOW the cashier at Target (shoutout, Bianca) was judging me very much. Or maybe she was just jealous that I had bought three bags of peanut butter eggs for $2.04 a piece.

Binged all of The Grinder

The Grinder is not a bad show. I’m not saying The Grinder is a bad show. I just have a vision in my mind where my bf is like “Let’s watch something,” and I’m like “Yeah, let’s binge all of The Grinder!” And he’s like “The what now?” And I’m like, “That new Rob Lowe/Fred Savage show.” And he’s like “Huh?” And I’m like “It’ll be great!” And he’s like “….” And then I feel weird about trying to binge The Grinder with him and things get awkward and all of this is avoided because I binged it all ~myself~. It was great.

Made muffins in a stove-top pot because I don’t have a mixing bowl

A boyfriend would have been like, “Rach, we can run to Target right now.” But listen, I am a strong, independent woman, and I can MacGyver anything, including a suitable place to stir together some flour, sugar, and eggs to make chocolate chip muffins, and no one was harmed while I stirred my muffin mix in a pot, so no harm no foul.

Vacuumed up some spiders 

That scene in Love when Mickey has Gus come in to her room and get rid of all the bugs under her red solo cups spoke to me on a very deep level. But I don’t have a Gus in my life. All I’ve got is a Shark vacuum, so after two days of dealing with two spiders underneath two different Star Wars cups (#adult) I needed to be brave. I detached the hose, and moved SO FAST to suck up those little buggers. Then I freaked out a lot trying to empty out my vacuum bag, because aren’t you always nervous that you’re going to suck up a bug, leave it in your vacuum, and then it will like grow and multiply and climb out of the hose and continue to live in your apartment with you? I’ve got that fear. Sorry if you do now, too.

So that was this past week. Next weekend who knows how wild and crazy I’ll get, like IDK, maybe clean out my fridge which currently contains a wide variety of cheese (both sticks and shredded) and also an abundance of yogurt. Oh man don’t even get me started on my freezer full of Bertolli ravioli! Maybe I’ll even get my oil changed at like, 6pm on a Tuesday!! My single life possibilities are ENDLESS.

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