Kenya Foy
August 31, 2017 2:08 pm
HBO

So, how’s life been treating you since a certain celestial body decided to switch things up with its infamous trickery? If things are looking up for you, then bless you because we’ve been busy blaming literally everything on Mercury retrograde, as seems to be the popular thing to do in recent years.

Seriously, who has time for accountability and owning the fact that many of life’s troubles have nothing to do with a tiny planet 48 million miles away? Not us! Blame it on Mercury and move on! JK…kinda. Seriously, while the life-ruining prowess of Mercury retrograde is well-documented, we want to caution you against using it as a cop-out for all the truly messed up things that have happened to you during this cosmic phase.

According to astrologer Susan Miller, Mercury rules things like communication, perception, judgment, and travel. That means if your laptop screen suddenly went blank or if the flight you booked months ago was canceled seemingly out of nowhere, feel free to direct a death stare towards the heavens because that *might* be the first planet from the sun doing its thing.

But before you get carried away with the intergalactic blame game, here are several things you actually can’t blame on Mercury retrograde.

1Your bad mood.

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Listen, no one likes it when their emails get caught in the crosshairs of wonky communication issues, but the manner in which you respond to these types of mishaps is totally not Mercury’s fault. We’re #sorrynotsorry, but your less-than-positive ‘tude is all on you.

2Ghosting someone.

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Sure, this pesky period has been known to eff up a schedule or two, but just because communication mix-ups are more likely during this time doesn’t give you the right to skip out on standing appointments with no explanation.  Blame it on rudeness — not the retrograde.

3 A bad hair day.

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If you left the house with a frizzy bird’s nest of a ‘do perched atop your head, feel free to say to any uninformed passersby, “Oh, it’s just Mercury in retrograde.” Just as long as you, your hair and your stylist all realize that it’s absolutely not true. A planet is not making you look a mess. Come on.

4Hooking up with your ex.

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So, here’s the thing: Mercury retrograde does have a way of bringing people from your past out of the woodwork. That said, if any of your exes come back around during the retrograde, sure, you can chalk it up to planetary movement. However, you choose the extent to which you interact with them (or don’t).

5You broke a nail and ruined your manicure.

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TBH, this happens waaaay too often for you to make a fall guy out of Mercury retrograde. Just ask the 25 million (and counting!) viewers who’ve watched this video hack on fixing a broken nail with a tea bag. We’re just sayin’.

6Falling off on your commitments.

Fine, so we can kinda sorta see how planetary motion could impact gravity, thereby affecting your ability to lug yourself out of bed, prepare a balanced, home-cooked meal (instead of zooming through the drive-thru) and hit the gym before work, except…no. Actually, we can’t. There are a million reasons for all of that, but Mercury def is not one.

7Being stressed out.

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Without a doubt, the arrival of Mercury retrograde puts plenty people on edge, but chances are, its presence isn’t the single source of whatever happens to be bugging you at the moment. Take an honest look at yourself and your surroundings without trying to connect them to what’s happening in the cosmos, and we’re pretty sure you can come up with some more down-to-Earth reasons for your troubles.

In reality, Mercury retrograde is giving us the opportunity to reconsider and reflect on things that aren’t working for us, so if you’re skipping out on your normal self-care routine, intentionally missing out on plans, or leaving the house with frazzled hair on a regular basis, take a cue from the planet and pull it together already. Your post-retrograde self will thank you for it.

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