From Our Readers
August 22, 2013 6:00 am

I recently tried to explain to a coworker my long-developed theory on the sneakiness and dreariness of the Tuesday. It was a Monday when I was explaining this coveted theory, and they didn’t seem to buy it. Silly earthlings.

Tuesdays are 100%, undoubtedly, without question, the worst day of the week. This comes as a shock, correct? It’s so easy to hate Sundays, because they mark the end of the weekend and bring with them the stress of an impending week of work. It’s too cliché to hate Mondays, with its badass tendency to thrust us back into reality, and the countless merchandise boasting “I hate Mondays.” Like, we get it. An industry has been formed over the hatred of Mondays. That’s not why I’m here.

Oh, Tuesdays. You sneaky little things. You squeeze yourself between the supposed awful day and the day proclaimed “Hump Day” (who could hate that?) and suddenly you are this invisible thing. But you really are the worst. Mondays, although you may not realize it, are not the worst day of the week. They are so insulted, so dreaded, that nothing ever meets those low expectations. Mondays inevitably will avoid their assumed awfulness because of the effort everyone puts in to making them seem less awful. Extra smiles because it’s Monday! Donuts for Monday! I’m not going to email you until 2pm because it’s Monday so feel free to spend your morning on the Internet!

Wednesdays are Hump Day, then you’ve got Thirsty Thursday. Then you’ve got Friday (TGIF, bitches!) and Saturday (who can hate a day that you spend in bed?) and then Sunday (also known as Sunday-funday to some). Monday rolls around, you’re fine. TUESDAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TUESDAY. YOU HAVE NOTHING ASSOCIATED WITH YOU. YOU RHYME WITH LOSE-DAY.

Do you see what happened there? As I ruminated over the other days, you started realizing that they are fun. You started to remember the breakfast your coworker brought in on Monday, or the excitement of starting a new project. You laughed about last Thursday when you went out for happy hour because it was “almost the weekend.” Your eyes crinkled at the memory of your mid-week pick-me-up because it’s Wednesday and we’re young and alive, baby. You thought ahead to the glorious weekend, bookended by Friday and Sunday. Did you think about Tuesday? DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT TUESDAY? NO. BECAUSE TUESDAY IS THE SATANIC HALF-BROTHER OF THE WEEK AND IT IS BORING AND NO FUN AND IT SNUCK BY US ALL. And to think, it was letting MONDAY take all the bad karma and poor press!

Tuesday, you little bitch.

You can read more from Samantha Zabell on her blog.

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