Jonathan Zipper
July 06, 2013 11:00 am

Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog — did this Fourth of July just fly by or what? Whether you let your inner child come out to play or phoned it in doesn’t really matter because, like it or not, you celebrated America’s independence either way. #freedom

Don’t worry, the holiday weekend doesn’t have to end yet. Relive some of this week’s highlights (lowlights?) with a slice of good ol’ fashioned “The Week In WHAT?!” pie. Spoiler alert: it tastes better a la mode.

Is Purchasing Bottled Water A Crime?

It looks like some state officials missed the memo that Virginia is for lovers, or perhaps authorities simply have it out for a particular brand of bottled water. Sure, that completely explains why the Alcoholic Beverage Control harassed University of Virginia student Elizabeth Daly shortly after she purchased refreshments for her sorority’s fundraiser. Right? Not quite. Daly walked out of a local shop carrying a 12-pack of LaCroix sparkling water, which the alphabet fuzz mistook for beer. Rather than in-depth training on the difference between beverages containing alcohol versus water, it seems this team of ABC police spends time learning how to terrify underage coeds. They allegedly jumped on the hood of Daly’s car and tried to break her windows. To make matters worse, they then sent Daly to jail on three felony counts. The charges were dropped, but the DA stands by the Alcohol Beverage Control team. You know, it was all in a day’s work. Ten four.

Are Cockatoos Into Breaking and Entering?

Speaking of illegal, next time you’re planning an Ocean’s Eleven heist, make sure you include a cockatoo or two. Researchers recently discovered the bird is quite the picker of locks. By placing a cashew nut “treasure” behind five sets of interlocking devices, scientists monitored ten cockatoos’ abilities to break on through to the other side. One particular fowl by the name of “Pipin” finished the series of tests in under two hours without any assistance. No word on whether he also found his corner in the sky.

Is The TSA Going All #TSA On Us?

If you’re traveling by plane anytime soon, you’ll now want to look ready for your close-up as you go through the airport security line. The Transportation Security Administration is stepping up its social media game with a brand new Instagram account. Now in addition to an uncomfortably handsy rub down, the TSA will also try entertaining the masses with some sepia-toned eye candy. Well, no full body physical at a doctor’s office would be complete without the lollypop at the end! On the plus side, the security team can now put its often sassy attitude to even better use by coming up with clever hashtags. Hopefully, all of this Instagraming doesn’t distract them too much from the job of protecting flyers or whatever it is they’re supposed to be doing while iPhones and other valuables go missing off of the conveyer belts.

And there you have this week in “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!

Image via SodaHead.

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