Marti Schodt
September 29, 2015 10:05 am

Fall is here. It has sprung. It is whispering in the wind and rustling in the trees and crunching on the sidewalks and baking in the oven. Can you smell the pumpkin? Can you taste the ghost cookies? Can you feel the start of new beginnings and the end of sweating profusely for no apparent reason? Are you ready for the sweaters? Do you yearn for the patterned leggings?

Are you single and fabulous and ready to roll around in the leaves and high five the autumn moon and its many goddesses for blessing you with the freedom to face fall fully independent and in total control of your future and the remote control (figuratively and literally, because no one is coming between me and my Scream Queens)? Well then, fair fall people and children of the corn, you are ready for autumn and all its many wonders and blessings of singledom such as:

You get to start the year unattached and free to mingle with all the cute coeds

If you’re still in school, you know that fall marks the begrudging and secretly delightful start of a new school year. This means new people to meet, new cute people. New cute people who are also single and looking to mingle and dance at overcrowded parties or take romantic “getting to know you strolls” through the quad. If you’re not in school anymore surely you can still appreciate the colorful spark of spontaneity that takes hold when the leaves begin to drop that makes people more willing to take chances and try new things with new people (or old people that are looking somehow different in the glow of an autumn morning). You can meet, flirt, dance, and eat with whoever you want. There’s no rules! You belong to no one! Enjoy your freedom while it lasts and go to that party, or just ask your cute new classmate if you can borrow a pencil. The world is your leaf pile, jump in goshdarnit!

You have much more time to spend with your squad

My favorite part of fall is being with my girlfriends and enjoying all the simple fall pleasures that exist outside of couplehood. We stay up late and watch scary movies, we go to pumpkin patches and then spend hours scooping out pumpkin guts and agonizing over the perfect design, we climb to the roof and howl at the moon, we drink a lot of hot chocolate and bake and eat a lot of cookies (I personally do a lot more eating than baking, but to each his own). We enjoy each other and the season and laugh and drink and snuggle and stare at the candles flickering on the windowsill while indie music plays quietly in the background. We become the definition of #Fallsquadgoals, and you can, too. Because fall friends are much better than boyfriends and girlfriends. Just ask the Sanderson sisters.

You don’t have to worry about planning any difficult-to-execute couples costume

Ugh the pressure of finding the perfect couples costume and taking the perfect picture and thinking of the perfect picture caption makes me woozy. No thank you. Being single means you’re free to dress up as whatever and whoever you want. Be a unicorn! Be a Rugrat! Be a burrito! Just be yourself and help yourself to whatever free candy you can find.

You have lots more money to spend on sweaters and caramel apples

Dating is expensive. There’s food to splurge on and movie tickets to purchase and lots of makeup and other beauty products to buy and apply, if that’s your thing. It’s all so much just to impress someone who probably didn’t even notice your name brand mascara and stellar up-do. But you know who will notice? You. Being single means spending money on yourself and enjoying the benefits of a solid pair of fuzzy socks and the intoxicating pleasure that comes from a freshly baked carmel fritter. You have so much more monies to spend on yourself and your fall fashion and food cravings and much less worry and stress about what other people think. Buy that sweater, girl. It looks good on you (but you already knew that).

You don’t have to share your pumpkin with anyone and risk compromising your artistic vision

Everyone knows that the best way to carve a pumpkin is independently, with a picture in your mind and a step-by-step youtube tutorial by your side. It’s a creative journey, one that leads to self expression and wish fulfillment and like-worthy pumpkin posts. You don’t want someone by your side dictating your every slice. You don’t need anyone telling you that it’s weird to carve Indiana Jones era Harrison Ford into a golden gourd. Because it’s not, it’s fabulous, and you should do it and send me the pictures because you are living your best life while that couple over there is bickering over whether to carve a cat or a dog.

You also have much more time for very important craft projects

Fall should really be subtitled as “The month of glitter and pinterest” because it is really the best time of the year for all things art and crafty. There are hand turkeys to draw and artisanal mason jars to decorate. There are paper ghosts to construct and delicious lacy cupcakes to bake. There are yarn people demanding to be born and scarves that are simply are going to knit themselves. You have very important work to do and you can’t have anybody, no matter how cute, slowing you down.

Let’s be honest, Netflix is a lot more fun alone, especially with all pumpkin everything

Fall Netflix nights are what dreams are made of. There are so many new seasons and shows available, there are so many movies and documentaries and comedy specials that need to be watched alone in bed with a pint of ice cream balanced on your tummy and a warm cup of tea on your nightstand. You don’t need anyone trying to control your list and your recently watched queue. You don’t need anyone trying to get fresh with you while you’re catching up on Orange is the New Black and plotting to rewatch Friends for the third time. This is your fall, this is your life, play the next episode and enjoy.

[Image via Paramount Pictures]

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