Rachel Paige
December 09, 2015 4:09 pm

I might have a ton of different apps and games on my phone that keep me busy, but none of them will ever compare to the exciting genius that was the computer game Roller Coaster Tycoon. And yes, I played The Sims, because everyone on the planet has played The Sims. But with The Sims, I built the house, and that was it. Everything after that, for me, was boring.

But Roller Coaster Tycoon! I built the park and then I watched my theme park empire FLOURISH. There never has been, and there never will be, another game as great as Roller Coaster Tycoon. You got to not only build the park, but you also had control over the rides too. So yeah, if you wanted your roller coaster to end abruptly in the middle, you could. Or if you wanted to build a roller coaster that lasted 210 days, you could do that, too (this really happened). But it would hurt your ratings, and then your guests would complain and potentially even throw up. Ah, the memories of Roller Coaster Tycoon.

Though you can still purchase and play the game today, nothing will ever beat those memories of playing it after school when you were supposed to be doing real work. Running your own theme park is real work, mom. These are just some of the feelings it evoked, cheery background music and all.

The thrill of laying down the first ground work for your park

And thinking that YES, this park will be the best park you’ve ever created on your computer. All the other trials were simply leading up to this masterpiece.

Then the fleeting thought crosses your mind that you could be the next Walt Disney

Step aside, all other IRL theme parks, because the one you’ve just created with mid-90s graphics is the best, and you’ve got a lustrous career ahead of yourself as a coaster engineer.

Immediately getting mad when a guest didn’t like something in your park

Suddenly, you had beef with a computer-generated fictional person. So you did the rational thing, and picked them up with the ominous Claw. And may or may not have dropped them in the middle of nowhere, or over the water.

That moment when the log flume crashed down into the water and the little waves happened

You created that. You created that splash. Give yourself a pat on the back.

How it was so easy to run out of money, and the thought of not finishing your latest wooden coaster loomed heavy over your head.

Never admit to anyone you knew a cheat code.

The real-life scenario of wanting to save money so you don’t hire any more park workers.

But like, someone has to clean up the trash and barf. Is this what being an adult is like?

The balloons

Everyone gets balloons. You get a ballon, and YOU get a balloon, and YOUUU get a balloon! So many balloons. Your park looks SO PRETTY.

Being careful not to build anything over water

Then purposely building something over water, so guests fall into the water… and drown. But look, you can put water fountains on the water! How cool is that??

Creating the most perfect and pretty queue line, regardless of how long it was.

Have you seen the queue lines at real amusement parks? And these 8bit guests would complain about waiting in it for 10 minutes? Whatever, I’ll make the next one even longer, so walking through the queue is like a ride itself.

Tending to an area in your park when suddenly there’s A CRASH AT ANOTHER LOCATION.

OMG. What do you do. Don’t freak out. It’ll be fine. Probably not. Guests hate the park now. They’re crying. Look what you did. The game is ruined.

When it rains

Just like a real life park, you want to cry and/or go home, and/or or cry and turn off the game. Dumb nature, ruining everything.

Learning about the magic of the expansion pack.

Two words: Corkscrew Follies.

BRB, everyone. I’ve gotta go find this old CD-ROM and play this masterpiece once again.

Images via Flickr Creative Commons

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