Hello. Are you still single? Me too!! And even though we are without a doubt single and fabulous, sometimes our friends don’t know that. In trying to help us embrace our single mojo, they can sometimes accidentally make things ridiculously dicey. Like so:
1. Fail to give you a +1 on a wedding invitation
Wedding invitations usually come six or so months before the wedding, and not receiving a +1 means that your soon-to-be-married friends have NO FAITH in you to a true and steady relationship in that time. Let alone a cool date in that amount of time!
2. Seat you at the single’s table
Worse than being told not to find a date for a wedding is showing up and seeing that your friends didn’t seat you with other friends (in relationships) but rather at a table full of super single people. Cool!
3. Ambush you with a blind date
You THINK you’re going to the movies with one friend and their significant other, and that’s fine, because you’ve done this a million times before. But then, surprise! They’ve brought along a partner for you, and figuring out who sits where in the movie theater suddenly just became as hard as AP calculus.
4. Try to be your wing (wo)man at a bar
Friends might think they’re helping you meet people at a bar. They are not. Usually they are over excited to declare that they are in a relationship, and only at the bar to help you out, and here are all your awesome qualities!! And whoever comes your way in a bar would be so lucky to date you!! Why won’t you date my friend?! Meanwhile you sit there nursing a drink like “plz make it stop.”
5. Tell their parents about your lack of love life
There’s nothing more awkward than seeing your friend’s mom out at the grocery store and having them suggest you try online dating to find a special someone.
6. Tell your parents about your lack of love life
There’s nothing more awkward than going home to see your parents, and having them tell you they ran into your friend at a grocery store, and have you considered online dating recently?
7. Admitting to stalking your new crush online
With a new crush, yes, you have permission to stalk the shit out of their cyber footprint. But your BFF? It’s sweet that they care, but there’s a fine line between scrolling 52 weeks back in their Instagram and stalking their former company directories via LinkedIn. Your friend is not the one trying to date this new person.
8. Any sentence that starts off with, “my friend is moving to your city!”
Know what that’s code for? “You two should totally go out because you’d totally hit it off.” OH REALLY?
9. Take group pictures where everyone is coupled off
It’s two by two by two by two by two by two and you’re on the end proudly holding a can of Diet Coke.
10. Invite you along on a couples outing and promise “it won’t be weird!”
It won’t be weird because you’ll, by default, becomes the photographer for the two as they pose in all sorts of cute ways.
11. Any time you go out with one of your married friends
Look, it’s fine to have friends that are married. Lots of people are married, and you can still go out with them. But this married friend will probably try extra hard to let it be known that the two of you aren’t together. But they’ll do it in such an over-the-top way that it’ll make it seem like no one should want to date you.