Kenya Foy
December 23, 2016 7:46 am
Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Whether you’re one of the many people who don’t celebrate Christmas for religious or spiritual reasons, or if you’ve simply thrown your hands up and cried uncle after one too many sucky holiday experiences, we’re willing to bet a hefty portion of what we plan to spend on Christmas gifts that you’re not in a corner quietly crying into a cup of eggnog because of all the Christmas festivities going on around you every year.

Listen, just because we encourage people to get in the holiday spirit doesn’t mean we’re going to sit around and pretend like it’s all chestnuts, cozy open fires, and wonderful and magical and shit. Non-celebrators know they have quite a few advantages by treating December 25th like any other day, which is why they’re not the least bit sad when Christmas rolls around. Here’s why:

They don’t have to attend stressful holiday dinners and parties.

Peaceful meal and a quiet day at home, FTW.

Also, THEY DON’T HAVE TO COOK A DAMN THING.

Nothing is worse than realizing you’re missing an ingredient in the middle of cooking Christmas dinner.

They won’t go into debt trying to buy gifts.

Meanwhile, we don’t even want to *think* about all the money we spent on presents.

However, they can shop solely for themselves without an ounce of guilt.

Win-win situation.

No receiving/returning bad gifts.

TBH, this experience alone is enough to quit Christmas forever.

They don’t have to send out Christmas cards.

Or feel guilty for not doing it. Again.

No getting sucked in by Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas.”

Sorry, Mimi. We still love you, gurl. But c’mon Christmas folks: You know what we mean. Celebrating Christmas means that even if you’ve heard this song eleventy-hundred times in one day, you simply cannot. stop. listening.

They don’t have to explain Santa Claus to their kids.

Life is a lot easier when you don’t have an impatient 5-year-old grilling you about how Santa’s gonna deliver the gifts to your third-floor apartment that doesn’t have a chimney.

There will be no animals harmed in the decorating of Christmas trees.

Hilarious, but still a huge pain in the ass.

No holiday group texts

Lucky is the person who doesn’t receive an annoying group text on Christmas Day. Thankfully, you can now mute group text messages but it’s still infuriating to be included in them in the first place. #NoGroupTextsonChristmasYall

No post-Christmas cleanup

Raise your hand if you still find Christmas tree needles in your house/car/pocket of your favorite winter coat months after you recycled the festive fir. Raise another if you leave your outdoor Christmas lights up ’til spring because you’re too lazy to take them down. *waits for deafening silence from those who don’t celebrate Christmas*

They get ALL of the holiday pay

While their co-workers get the day off, folks who don’t have ties to the holiday can take advantage of the incentive pay most companies offer employees for working on Christmas.

They avoid the post-Christmas slump

You know that sad, empty feeling you get when the Christmas adrenaline rush ends? You’re totally bummed because the countdown is over, the thrill is gone, all the gifts are opened (that’s all you got?) and the days after Christmas feel kind of empty and lackluster compared to the weeks leading up to it.

Everything just goes back to normal and ugh, so boring and sad, except for folks who didn’t celebrate Christmas in the first place and aren’t the least bit sad that it’s finally come and gone.

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