HelloGiggles Team
February 17, 2016 4:12 pm
Warner Bros.

Do you ever find yourself sitting around, thinking about the relative hotness of Hogwarts’ revolving door of Defense Against the Dark Arts? Are you thinking about that now? Here at HelloGiggles, there was an overwhelming consensus on the issue of DADA professors’ objective sexiness. We present to you, a definitive ranking, in order of most to least swoon-worthy:

1. Remus Lupin

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Remus Lupin was exactly the right balance of disheveled and dashing. He had vagabond vibes in the best way. His secret life as a werewolf made it hard for him to stay in one place, but it also meant he truly understood what it felt like to be an outsider (which is key to connecting with 13-year-old students because every 13-year-old feels like an outsider). His empathy and sincerity made him super sexy.

2. Severus Snape 

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Severus Snape is best known for his longstanding gig as Potions Master, but in Harry & Co.’s sixth year, he finally got a chance to teach his dream subject: Defense Against the Dark Arts. Snape is basically the definition of brooding sexiness. ALWAYS.

3. Gilderoy Lockhart 

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Whether he’s your type or not, you have to admit that Gilderoy Lockhart was the most conventionally dreamy Defense Against the Dark Arts professor during Harry’s tenure at Hogwarts. Moms and daughters alike swooned hard for his sparkling smile and too-good-to-be-true stories.

4. Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody

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We’re giving Moody points because you can just tell he was a total heartthrob back in his heyday. He’s gruff, yes, but in an undeniably sexy kind of way.

4a. Barty Crouch Jr. 

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Okay, most people wouldn’t immediately think of Barty Crouch Jr. as a Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, but he did teach the class for a full year while disguised as Mad-Eye Moody. Plus, he was played by David Tennant, which earns him automatic bonus hotness points.

5. Dolores Umbridge 

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She’s the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor we all love to hate (or just plain hate), but we are nearing the bottom of this list. She squeaks by with a rank of 5 instead of 6 because she’s strong-willed and confident and those can be very sexy qualities.

6. Quirinus Quirrell 

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Sorry, Quirrell, but when you weren’t being generally off-putting, you were secretly sharing a skull with Voldemort, killing unicorns and helping He Who Must Not Be Named plan his big comeback. Nothing about that is sexy. At all.

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