Anna Gragert
January 08, 2016 2:13 pm

Before we go into the details of this crazy/scary story, we just want to quell your worries and let you know that both Bo and Sunny Obama are okay. We repeat: the White House pups are in safe hands.

Why exactly do we have to assert that these two beloved creatures are safe, you ask? Well, according to Vanity Fair, a highly dangerous, 49-year-old man named Scott Stockert was on a mission to kidnap Bo and Sunny.

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Posted by The White House on Thursday, December 24, 2015

In North Dakota, Stockert loaded his pickup truck with two firearms, 350 rounds of ammo, a machete, and a billy club. He then drove 1,700 miles to New York, turned around, and drove another 250 miles to Washington D.C. Here, he was detained by Secret Service agents at a Hampton Inn – after an agent in their Minnesota field office heard about his kidnapping plan and alerted officials.

Once he was in the Secret Service’s custody, Stockert introduced himself by stating that he’s President John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe’s son. He also mentioned that he’s the son of Jesus Christ. With his former claim in mind, he said that he planned to run for President. Even more troubling than that, he admitted that his main mission was to kidnap the First Family’s Portuguese water dogs.

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Posted by The White House on Tuesday, October 29, 2013

When D.C. agents caught him and asked if he possessed any weapons, he directed them to the two firearms in his truck. They soon learned that Stockert wasn’t registered to own a gun, they arrested him, and charged him with carrying an unregistered, destructive device outside of his residence or place of business.

During his preliminary hearing this morning, the judge found probable cause to move forward with the case. Consequently, Stockert was released to a high-intensity supervision program, with a pending court date on the horizon. During this time, he cannot possess any real or fake weapons and he most definitely cannot go anywhere near the Capitol or White House.

Thankfully, Bo and Sunny (and everyone else) are safe and sound.

(Images via The White House/Facebook; The White House/Facebook)