The 16 phases of having a crush on your teacher
Teacher crushes are a kind of unrequited love that can last a surprisingly long time. They’re always full of awkward moments and uncomfortable interactions. Your imagination runs wild, which becomes a fun distraction from school itself. These crushes are a rite of passage, in a way. You can’t get to adulthood without falling for a teacher or two along the way first.
Then again, if you’re one of those folks who’s currently experiencing heart palpitations whenever you’re around a certain teacher, then here’s what you have to look forward to…
1. You secretly hope you get into their class next semester.
You ask around about their class – feigning interest in what their homework load is like and whether they’re a fair grader – when all you really want to do is stare at their face every day for several months.
2. You get a little light-headed when they walk past you in the hallway.
OMG, did they just look at me? Did their gaze linger?! Time to pick out color schemes for our first house!
3. You show up early to class so you can, you know, chat.
It’s all about making a good impression, and how well you do in class is only a small part of who you are, so you try your best to carve out some alone time for the two of you. They’ll think to themselves, “Wow, this student of mine is beyond their years.”
4. You start to look for a ring on their finger to see if they’re married.
You don’t want to jump to any conclusions just yet, but you haven’t seen a ring on that finger (and just about every other teacher has one). This obviously means they’ve been waiting for you their whole life and it’s just a matter of time.
5. You get shy when they give you a compliment on your homework.
Cue the blushing! You smarty pants, you. Who doesn’t love a brilliant young lady or gentlemen? You’ve got this in the bag.
6. You bring them up in conversation to your friends
This is typical crush behavior. You want to talk about them as much as possible, but not too much or else you’ll give it away. But you just have to hear their name or else you’ll self-combust.
7. You ask around to see if anyone knows about their personal life.
Time to play detective. Do they have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Where do they live? Have they had their heart broken too many times? Most importantly – do they have a cute dog?
8. You daydream — a lot.
Frolicking on the beach, late afternoon picnics, a lovely dinner date. None of these things are unattainable in your mind. You spend hours going over these potential scenarios, especially when you’re in class and they’re standing at the blackboard looking oh-so-cute.
9. You become the world’s greatest overachiever.
You’re still high from that one time they winked at you when you got an A on your exam, so you toss other responsibilities to the wayside and devote yourself entirely to the work they assign. Ultimately, you want them to keep their eyes on you (so what if your other grades suffer?!).
10. You start to take interest in more adult-like things.
They’re bound to be a bit older, so you want to show off how mature you can be. You read classic novels, listen to more Elton John, and talk about welfare reform. Right now, your browser is open to this Google search: What is the stock market?
11. You overhear that they’ve got a partner.
One of the other teachers has just asked your crush how their girlfriend is doing. It can’t be true, can it?! (Things are going downhill – and fast.)
12. You’re utterly devastated and threaten to quit school forever.
That’s it. There’s no point in going to class anymore. You briefly consider burning all your textbooks and transferring schools because this person is a ruthless heartbreaker who has no consideration for anyone’s feelings.
13. You gain some hope back when they smile at you in the morning.
Crushes have the special ability to rope you back in with the simplest of gestures. When your non-single teachers flashes you a wide grin and asks how you are, you can’t help but feel a jolt of optimism once again. Maybe there’s hope after all?
14. You slowly start to realize that this is unrealistic (and totally not allowed).
Something suddenly clicks in your head: The chances of this love coming to fruition are very, very low. There’s that age difference to think about. Also, the fact that they’re your teacher and you’re their student and there’s no way this would be sanctioned by whoever is in charge.
15. You mourn your loss.
Time for the sappy tunes and multiple bags of potato chips. You’ve lost the love of your life. It’s time to grieve and watch many, many episodes of Sex and the City.
16. You eventually forget their name entirely.
This usually happens in conjunction with developing a new crush on somebody totally different, someone who is age-appropriate and is willing to actually reciprocate your affection. But hey, it was fun while it lasted, right?