Tyler Vendetti
November 29, 2014 8:39 am

I’m slowly starting to accept the fact that I will not be rolling in cash by the time I’m 25, or 30, or 50, or ever. In fact, judging by how things are going, I’m more likely to be looking into cardboard boxes for my real estate needs than actual homes. However, that won’t stop me from fantasizing about all the gifts I would buy if I had millions of dollars in my bank account and an unquenchable urge to fill my living room with gadgets I will never use. If you’re supremely rich, a hoarder, or both, check out this over-the-top gift guide for all your holiday needs. Yes, all these things are actually for sale.

Vanity Fair Academy Awards Experience

Price: $425,000

Get it here: NeimanMarcus.com

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a celebrity for a day? For $425,000, you can find out. Including a three-night stay in a Beverly Hills hotel, dinner at the Chateau Marmont, a spa session, and access to the famous Vanity Fair party, this package will make you feel like Reese Witherspoon in no time. You won’t be able to afford a proper meal for the rest of your life, but these are small sacrifices to make for a night of glamour and pseudo-fame.

His & Hers Vilebrequin Quadski

Price: $50,000

Get it here: NeimanMarcus.com

With a 50,000 dollar price tag, this ATV looks like something out of a Sims game, where the user employed all the cheat codes and can now afford to buy every fun toy in the game. With it’s purple, polka-dotted (sorry, turtle-dotted) design, the Vilebrequin is just as fancy as its name makes it sound. And if you get tired of riding beach dunes, just retract the wheels and motorboat off into the sunset.

iGrow Helmet

Price: $695

Get it here: iGrowLaser.com

The website says “FDA approved” but my common sense says “radiation beams pointing directly at your brain.” This product, which promises to fix that bald spot in as little as 4 months, seems a little desperate to me and a little overpriced, especially when you can easily go out and buy Rogaine for under 50 bucks. But then again, I’m not suffering from premature baldness so I can’t honestly judge how appealing this might be.

Solowheel

Price: $2,000

Get it here: Kotulas.com

Have you ever wanted a motorcycle with only one wheel? Well, your prayers have been answered, my friend! Solowheel is the world’s leading motorized unicycle, great for riding around town and not being mistaken for a tough biker guy. Finding your scooter a little boring this year? I’m not surprised. Anything that you actually have to power with your feet is too mediocre for this world.

Water Jetpack

Price: $60,000 – $200,000

Get it here: JetLevFlyer.com

Jet-Lev Flyers are the closest thing you’re going to get to jetpacks for probably another few years. Powered by two streams of water, this jetpack gives you metaphorical wings for up to three hours, which is more than RedBull can say.

King Tut Life-Sized Cabinet

Price: $950

Get it here: SkyMall.com

As the leading experts on ridiculous gifts and gadgets, SkyMall offers most of the items on this list. Out of all of them, though, I think this Tutankhamencabinet is the best so far. Complete with 14 hidden shelves and a hook for wall mounting, this cabinet does everything that a regular shelf can do, but with an added historical flair. What I enjoy more than the cupboard itself, though, are the pictures that accompany the product on the SkyMall website.

Don’t mind me. Just picking out a book from my totally normal bookshelf and staring at it thoughtfully on my throne. Mmm, history.

British Telephone Booth

Price: $2,250

Get it here: SkyMall.com

This wouldn’t even be a thing if phone booths could count as a carry on. Unfortunately, those pesky Brits won’t allow it, so we’ll have to settle for these life-sized replicas. On the bright side, you no longer have to go all the way to England to get a picture inside one of these booths; you can just stage one yourself in the comfort of your own home. Less hassle, you know?.

Featured image via Shutterstock

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