The following are reasons why you are simply perfect.
1. You don’t like pigeons.
Even though you’re a dog, you’re smart enough to know that pigeons are the sewer rats of the sky. They’re merely designed to spread pigeon disease throughout the world. Even a dog like you understands that pigeon overlords would not be the ideal futuristic outcome for this world. Too much head wobbling for my liking eek!
2. Your hatred for vegetables can only be rivaled by mine.
We must sadly accept the fact the world has succumbed to eating salad as the norm (even if the salad comes with the odd lizard head). If truth be told, I always liked your meaty rich food much better than mine. Lamb shanks FOR THE WIN!
3. You were never one of those annoying American TV dogs.
You never destroyed my shoes, and you never insisted on saving the child trapped in a well. Thank you for that.
4. I always loved the fact you never forced me to run in public.
You were always much happier playing soccer with me in the backyard. Sorry again for the multiple times I stepped on your tail, and your paw…..and also the time I kicked the soccer ball full blown in your face. I always loved the fact you forgave me straightaway with a lick and a cuddle (and maybe also repayment via dog biscuits).
5. Thank you for letting my sister and I play “The Lion King” with you when you were a puppy.
We needed some time to kill after watching “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” in the afternoon. It was either play “Lion King,” or watch Australian network television, and we both knew that wasn’t a possibility we would consider. EVER.
6. I always loved the fact you growled at insufferable snooty joggers.
As our favorite comedian Bill Bailey states “I never trust joggers. They’re always the ones that find the bodies”. Trust me my lovable pooch; we don’t want to get mixed up with that lot. Anyone who runs without being drenched in sweat is not human, and therefore should not be trusted. Ever. Period. Mark my words Aliens are among us.
I could definitely write more about you, but as I type this you are nagging me for a doggie treat.
I love you.
Soraya Mendis is a recreational comedic writer from Sydney, Australia. She is an out and proud cardigan enthusiast, non-jogger; and professional internet surfer. She posts pictures of her daily life on her Instagram page.