New World Pictures / Instagram
Channing Sargent
October 28, 2016 3:11 pm

How very. TV Land has landed its cast for the upcoming remake of the 1988 cult classic Heathers. Much like the unpredictability of the original film’s plot, the casting choices are full of surprises.

Broadway actress Melanie Field will play “F**k me gently with a chainsaw” clique leader Heather Chandler.

(The role was originated by the late Kim Walker who, in a tragic irony so apropos of the surreal landscape of Heathers, died of brain cancer in 2001. Among the dozens of hilarious lines Walker brilliantly delivers in the film is, “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?”)

New World Pictures / Facebook

Newcomer Jasmine Matthews, self-described Actorvist, will play Heather McNamara, originally played by Lisanne Falk.

Veronica: “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?”
Heather McNamara: “Probably.”

New World Pictures / Twitter

Biggest surprise of all, the role of Heather Duke will be played by comedian Brendan Scannell.

For the role originated by Shannen Doherty, Scannell will deliver a gender-queer take, which is perfect for the Heather who says, “Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?” 😂

New World Pictures / Instagram

Earlier in October, TVLand announced its leads. Actress Grace Cox, from the upcoming Twin Peaks will follow in Winona Ryder’s footsteps to play Veronica.

Heather Duke: “Veronica, you look like hell.”
Veronica: “Yeah? I just got back.”

New World Pictures / Facebook

Finally, the role of JD, originally played by Christian Slater (who made all teenage girls of the 1980’s swoon when he said “Our love is God. Let’s go get a slushie.”) has been handed to newcomer James Scully.

New World Pictures / Facebook

The TV Land series will not be a typical remake. Rather, the network has said it will “reimagine” Heathers as a “pitch black” present-day anthology series. Each season will focus on a different heroine and a new set of mean girls. Makes sense given what will happen to these characters by season’s end, if the plot follows the film at all.

Wait, don’t tell us you haven’t seen the original Heathers. Seriously?
What is your damage?

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