Gina Vaynshteyn
February 24, 2015 9:54 am

You guys, I’m only in my 20s and technology already seems slightly too advanced, a little too smart, and almost (key word: almost!) beyond me. Like, I’m fully capable of using my six-thousand button remote control, but sometimes I wish I could just press an “on” button and already be watching How to Get Away With Murder without feeling like I’m plugging away at my scientific calculator.

Remember dial-up? Remember Earthlink sample CDs and AIM and learning how to Google things in class? Those memories are so crazy-distance now. NOW, we have iPads. We’re on the brink of commercial cars that DRIVE THEMSELVES. We can order food without actually talking to human beings. The future is now. And it just keeps growing more and more intimidatingly insane.

Here are some things that will be totally run-of-the-mill by the time our kids are in THEIR 20s.

Those menus made of paper and fancy binders? They’ll so be gone. And replaced with iPads.

OK, so I know restaurants are already replacing physical menus. And that’s really weird to me. I just can’t imagine a world filled with a restaurant filled with people clutching tablets to decide on what they want to eat. But it’ll probably happen. RIP paper menus. We knew ye well.

All water will be flavored water (probably)

It basically already is—plain water is painfully boring. Looking forward to this development, to be honest.

Cars will definitely drive themselves, so IDK Uber, IDK.

According to The Economist and most legitimate news sources, we might as well brace ourselves for self-driving cars. So remember that movie Cars with the cute animated vehicles with facial features who have minds of their own? The one we took our younger sib to go see? That will basically be our reality. And it doesn’t sound too bad.

Everyone will meet their romantic partners and best friends on the Internet

This is already super common, but in the future it will probably be a rarity to actually meet friends and boos IRL. Our kids and grandkids will go through our crazy-vintage paper photos and ask, “So. . .you and mom met. . .in. . .person? HOW EVEN DID THAT HAPPEN?” And we will have to explain that long ago, humans had to painfully interact with each other on the spot, without time to think about responses, and it was awkward, but it was kinda sweet.

You’ll be invited to all weddings through Snapchat.

And you’ll only have like five minutes to RSVP because that’s that Snapchat life.

Babies will know how to use complicated remote controls better than us

Their remote control game will be NEXT LEVEL. Future babies will be able to just glance at remote controls and already their fave channels will appear on the screen. Not that babies should be watching TV.

There will be an app that will exercise for us

Ohpleasepleasepleaseplease let this happen. Driving to the gym and sweating and putting one foot in front of the other repeatedly is just hard sometimes.

We will be able to order dinner on Seamless using emojis

As of right now we don’t need to even talk to anybody to procure food. What’s stopping us from just using emojis? I’d like that cheeseburger with extra avocado, WINK.

Reading books on tiny screens will (continue to be) a thing.

There are still book purists who believe in physical copies of book (i.e. me, for starters) but we are but a dying breed.

Trains and planes that get from state to state, or country to country in like five seconds

A high-speed rail that will get you from Los Angeles to San Francisco in less than three hours already in the works, so who knows what’s in store for the rest of the world? Even though the Concorde retired from any more aviation journeys, more efficient planes are being developed. Maybe 12-hour flights to different countries will be a nightmare of the past.

Synthetic chocolate and coffee and Nutella

It’s true. Chocolate and coffee and hazelnuts are running out (this is why we can’t have nice things, you guys!) But scientists will develop not-as-good-but-acceptable substitutes and we’ll tell our children, “Once upon a time, there was REAL chocolate and coffee, and it was so, so glorious.”

Gas prices more expensive than engagement rings

Not to be depressing or anything, but oil is a finite resource, so. . .

Toddlers will be texting their toddler friends to set up their own play dates

And since cars will be able to drive themselves, who will even need parents anymore?

Real conversations with computers when we’re bored

Like Her, but IRL and maybe a little less creepy (or not —I’m not judging your life).

Spring break on Mars will probably happen 

Not sure why you guys would ever want to visit outer space—I think it’s been made PRETTY clear that it’s super dangerous and uninhabitable (hello? Gravity? Interstellar?), but whatever. You do you do, future humans.

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