Now that 2018 is coming to an end, some of us are starting to think about our resolutions for the upcoming year. If finding love and being in a relationship are things you want, there are a few New Year’s resolutions you can make to maximize your chances of attracting love next year, according to experts.
“Most people treat resolutions like a lottery ticket—more of a fun wish than a serious commitment,” Keith McArthur, author of Winning Resolutions, tells HelloGiggles. “If you want to make your relationship goals come true in 2019, you need to treat them like a promise to yourself.”
When you’re making your resolutions, McArthur says it’s important to be specific. “Winning resolutions need to be precise,” he advises. So although saying “I want to find love next year” is a good start, it’s important think of something more specific that you can commit to.
Thinking up good resolutions that are actually doable can sometimes be a challenge. So we talked with dating experts about the kinds of resolutions you should make if you’re looking to attract love in the new year.
1 Resolve to take time during the week to date yourself
“If you want to be loved, then love and feel love first—for yourself,” Laurel House, celebrity dating coach and resident sex expert at My First Blush, tells HG. Make yourself a priority. Treat yourself the same (if not better than) you would your significant other.
Do things that you love. Do things for yourself that make you feel truly happy. You can even start taking yourself on dates. Mark it down in your calendar as a can’t-miss event. When you fully love yourself, you won’t accept anything less than someone who truly deserves you.
2 Resolve to put out old flames
“It’s 2019. Time to clear out old flames and residual baggage,” House says. “Out with the old and in with the new, attractive, and incredibly exciting.”
Think about your life right now. Who are you still holding onto for no reason at all? Whether it’s a “crush who’s become a crutch” or an ex who thinks of you as their go-to booty call, think about whether or not they’re really healthy for you. Do they fulfill you? Or are they just another source of frustration?
“You’ve heard the saying that you can’t open a new door until the old door is shut,” House says. Refreshing your love life means clearing out old baggage and situations that no longer serve you.
3 Resolve to figure out what you actually want in a partner and relationship
Take some time to sit down and write out a list of qualities that you want in your partner. Think about what you want your relationship to look like. For instance, if you’re a big texter and you like communication throughout the day, put that down. Nothing is too small or too big. It’s also important to think about how you want your partner to make you feel (i.e. loved, desired, special, etc.).
“Just be open and honest with yourself about what works and doesn’t work for you,” Tina Wilson, founder and CEO of Wingman, tells HelloGiggles. “Try to be aware of what you are looking for as often as possible so its easier to spot it when it comes along.”
The best part is, you can keep updating this list throughout the year.
4 Resolve to be open-minded
We’ve all been taught to never judge a book by its cover. When it comes to dating, though, especially on apps, that’s a little harder to do. But if you really want to attract love, you need to save the judgment for later.
“Make sure to be more open-minded when going on dates or starting new relationships,” says Maria Sullivan, dating expert and VP of Dating.com. “Being open-minded will allow you to see the person for who they really are and you will be able to detect whether you have a real connection.”
5 Resolve to get out in the real world
If you’ve been dating online for years and it’s only left you overwhelmed and frustrated, then stop. It’s totally okay. Although it may seem like the only way to meet someone nowadays, it’s not.
“If you love music, go to music events, concerts, and festivals that you know single, like-minded people also attend,” intimacy coach Xanet Pailet says. “You’re much more likely to hit it off with someone who shares an interest with you, and no dating app can be a substitute for good old physical chemistry.”
6 Resolve to practice gratitude
Dating today can be tough. When you’re ready for a relationship but nothing is panning out, it’s easy to be down on yourself. You may start comparing yourself to other people and wondering why nobody wants to date you seriously. But the reality is, there is nothing wrong with you. And practicing gratitude will help you see that.
“Having a thankful attitude is scientifically proven to change brain activity, increasing optimism, motivation, self-esteem, and connectedness with others,” Kim McDonnell, mental health expert and the founder/CEO of Thankful, tells us.”Practicing gratitude and self-love will pave the way for future romantic relationships in 2019.”
Practicing gratitude is all about being thankful for the things you already have. You can do this by journaling. For instance, before you go to sleep at night, write down three things that you are grateful for from that day. You can even make a gratitude jar. Every time you think of something you’re thankful for, write it on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. Whenever you’re feeling sad or lonely, pull a note from the jar and read it. You can also keep it simple by standing in front of the mirror each morning and saying three positive things about yourself. The options are pretty limitless.
7Resolve to live in the moment
When you meet someone you like, it’s easy start envisioning your future with them. But when you do that, you not only create unrealistic expectations for the person you just started dating, you also take the fun out of getting to know them.
“Instead, just be present with every new person you date,” Pailet says. “Enjoy every moment you get to spend together, whether it’s a night, a month, or years.”