Rachel Paige
May 11, 2016 2:45 pm

Soon, you won’t be sitting at home patiently waiting for the day your Hogwarts letter arrives. Instead, you’ll be waiting with bated breath for your acceptance to Ilvermorny, the American version of Hogwarts that’s going to play a big role in the upcoming Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

Just like Hogwarts, Ilvermorny will have four different houses, full of bright young wizards. Their names have not been announced yet…but…one Redditor seems to have figured out what their names are going to be. These names are bonkers. We kinda hope and pray these names aren’t the real house names, but IDK, you guys. IDK.

Ian Cervantez, a software engineer and our Redditor sleuth, happened to be poking around Pottermore’s website code (as you do) when he happened to notice that there was something — still secret — hidden in the website for a “Which House Are You?” quiz. The quiz was tailored to Ilvermorny, with the four quiz answers being: Horned Serpent, Wampus, Thunderbird, and Pukwudgie.

Ian Cervantez/GitHub

Um. Okay. [Silently begins praying to the Sorting Hat NOT to end up in Pukwudgie]

And okay, time to digest these names. Remember, they are NOT CONFIRMED AS BEING TRUE, but right now, it looks like these will be the names, seeing as how some of them have popped up elsewhere — we just didn’t realize it at the time. The name Thunderbird and Wampus both appeared in prior Rowling writings. In her Pottermore story, “1920s Wizarding America,” she writes that, “Shikoba Wolfe, [a wand maker], was primarily famous for intricately carved wands containing Thunderbird tail feathers (the Thunderbird is a magical American bird closely related to the phoenix).” In the next paragraph she writes, “After experimenting with many cores, [wand maker Johannes] Jonker’s preferred magical material was hair of the Wampus cat.”

Those quick shoutouts might be the only real proof we need that these are our new houses. That’s bummer news for a few reasons, the big one being that J.K. Rowling has already found herself in some hot water for cultural appropiation, and it appears as if it’s happening again. When she announced the African Wizarding school, Uagadou, was simply listed as “in Africa.” More recently, she came under fire for her blanket descriptions of Native Americans in the wizarding world, and it appears as if that’s still going on with these four house names, all of which are found in Native American culture.

And for those wondering, a Pukwudgie is actually a “troll-like being from the Wampanoag folklore…[with] features [that] resemble those of a human, but with enlarged noses, fingers and ears.” A Horned Serpant, meanwhile, is exactly what it sounds like (side note, WHAT’S THE AMERICAN WORD FOR PARSELTONGUE?).

It’s not that these four creature don’t sound totally cool and awesome, they’re not the names we wanted for the Ilvermorny houses. Why can’t we have cool house names, like Ravenclaw or Gryffindor? Or even more American house names, like Netflix and Beyoncé? So much missed opportunity there. Have fun telling your parents you’re going to need new robes in the Wampus house colors.