A mom tells a boy with a crush on her daughter exactly why no means no
What do you do when a boy won’t leave your daughter alone? If you’re Dr. Lindsey Doe, a 33-year-old clinical sexologist, you don’t just ignore it. You take to the internet.
When her 14-year-old daughter told her about a boy at school who was aggressively pursuing her, Doe posted a video on YouTube called “Dear Boy Who Likes My Daughter.”
“I get that you like my daughter. She’s smart, cool, beautiful, very thoughtful, an all-around great girl,” Doe said. “What I don’t like is how you treat her.”
Doe went on to explain that if her daughter’s answer had been “maybe” or “let me think about it” or “ask me again later,” then it would make sense to ask her again. But when her daughter gave him clear, polite rejections: “No, thanks” and “Please stop asking me,” he should listen to her.
“You’ve probably picked up some society messages about how when you want something you need to try harder, go at it, do whatever you can to get it,” she continued. “Maybe it’s for this reason you have repeatedly asked my daughter out in the halls, on the bus, and you write her poems.”
“If someone tells you no, in any way, and you ask again: it’s not cool, it’s not attractive, it’s not respectful. It’s harassment,” she added. “Do not ask her out. Do not suggest a relationship. Do not talk to her about her discomfort with you pursuing her. Leave her alone.”
The video quickly went viral, with over 400,000 views as of Tuesday morning. Doe faced criticism from some commenters about addressing the boy on such a public forum (she doesn’t use his name). But Doe explained on Today,com that she likes the young man; she just want it to be clear that he should take a woman’s word for it.
“She is pretty good about asserting herself but she came home one day, after I had already heard multiple stories of his pursuit, and said, ‘He asked me again.’ And I said, ‘Would you like me to step in?’ And she said yes,” Doe said.
“If I wanted this (message) to go to anyone, it’s the people who insist that behavior is romantic. And let them know it’s absolutely okay to ask, but in doing so, you have to respect what that person’s wishes are,” she added “And if that persons’s wishes are to leave you alone, you need to do that.”
Since the video was posted, Doe says the school has intervened and the boy has totally processed the message and “corrected his behavior,” according to ABC7 Los Angeles.
“My daughter gives me courage to do my work,” Doe told ABC, “and I hope in return I can create for her a safer world that respects her as a person.”