parry ernsberger
May 03, 2013 9:51 am

Martha Stewart is on a mission. No, she’s not scouring the lush groves of Florida for the freshest oranges to make summer-time stove-top potpourri. No, she’s not wading through the Neretva, seeking the cleanest river rocks in Europe for her country home boot tray either. Martha Stewart is on a mission to find a man … on the internet. And I say good for her! It takes a lot of balls to set yourself up on a date with a stranger and it must be especially hard for A.) a celebrity and B.) someone so Type A like Martha to dive into the plebeian pool — Well, not totally plebeian. She did specify that she wants a man who makes more than $150,000.

It’s been roughly five years since Martha had a man to hold her pruning shears (she split from Charles Simonyi, a billionaire ex-Microsoft exec, after her federal prison stint and was married for 26 years before that), so with the help of Match.com’s chief executive, she set up a profile and is ready to comb the interwebs for a guy that’s roughly between 5’10” and 6’6″, has a graduate degree and doesn’t smoke.

Girl, ME TOO. That’s all I want in life. I mean, I’d like to have pizza with somebody too. And fried chicken. And nachos. I just want to eat food with somebody for the rest of my life, I think. Is that so much to ask?

Featured image courtesy of Today.com

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