Kit Steinkellner
Updated May 02, 2015 @ 12:51 pm

Today in “stranger than fiction,” a man from Meadow Vista, CA reportedly punched a 300 pound bear to protect his pet chihuahua.

Here’s how it went down: As Fox News reports, 73-year old contractor Carl Moore heard his pet chihuahua shrieking in fear, and when he rushed to see what was going on, he found a 300 pound bear trying to get past a low gate on the deck to Moore’s house, apparently attempting to eat Moore’s pet chihuahua.

Well, this dude was NOT going to let harm befall his beloved pet. Moore charged at the bear, causing the animal to retreat up the ramp leading to the deck. Moore followed the bear and that’s when, according to several witnesses, Moore basically beat up that bear.

“Boom. I hit him good,” Moore told Fox News, because who needs modesty when you’ve just HIT a BEAR?

One of the eye witnesses, John Sargent, an employee of Moore’s, agreed with his boss.

“He whips to the right and hit him with a right…it was crazy,” Sargent recounted.

Moore is no ordinary dude, he’s an ex-Marine who was also a once a boxer and has moonlighted as a bouncer at country western bars in Texas.

“This big right hand has sent a lot of people to the floor,” Moore said.“…I never faced anything in my life that I didn’t figure I can whip.” Again, really no need for modesty when you’ve just punched out a wild animal twice your size.

But of course, the heroic feat was all for his tiny dog. Moore has lost three dozen chickens over the past few weeks to this bear, and he was scared that the bear would take one of his dogs next.

“These dogs are my babies,” Moore explained.

Even though Fish and Wildlife have informed Moore that, because the bear has been attacking Moore’s animals, he can apply for a permit to shoot the bear, Moore abhors the idea of shooting the animal. Apparently, he draws the line at a mean right hook.

“If it comes back I’ll call 911 and let the sheriffs do it because I don’t want to shoot no animal,” Moore stated.

Well, we’re glad Moore and his chihuahua are safe, and pretty amazed that Moore was able to beat up A FREAKING BEAR, but we’d like to take this moment to remind everybody to NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Let’s find a way to keep our pets secure without throwing down with wild animals whenever possible, please, please, please.