Jason Shapiro
August 23, 2013 1:00 pm

Hi Sunny,

First of all, welcome to the world. I’ve been told that you were born a few months ago, but you were only recently born into all of our hearts. I already have a ton of respect for your brother Bo, and I hope that you’ll make a great counterpart. I’m writing this letter to you on behalf of the American people. In addition to welcoming you, I wanted to let you know what we’re looking for in a Presidential dog, so that you can do your best to not only be the dog the American people need, but also the dog the American people deserve.

Please remember that you’re representing the United States of America, so we need to be able to trust that you have your head on straight. The White House has described you as “full of energy and very affectionate,” and while that could be charming, it raises a few red flags. If by “full of energy” they mean “runs in circles all the time,” please know that that’s not very Presidential. You’re going to want to curb that. And if by “very affectionate” they mean “will kiss anyone or anything close to your mouth,” that is not appropriate, and probably won’t go over well with international diplomats. Please take the time to read up on traditional American and international etiquette. Google it at the very least; manners are important.

Humor is another thing that Americans have come to expect in a Presidential pet. Bo will be a great asset in the search for your comedic voice, as he’s been killing it with social media humor lately, but it’s also important that you forge your own path. If Bo is McDonalds, be Burger King. Give us a different approach. For reference, here’s a pic of Bo’s latest gem:

I can’t stress this enough: you gotta be cute. Bo has been doing a great job of this, but let’s be honest, he’s already four years old. He’s not a puppy anymore. Sunny, it’s up to you to go viral every once in a while. Start a Vine account, post some Instagram pictures, do a Youtube video – it’s what the American people need from time to time. Look, I’m not an expert, but I do know that people like Cat vs. Dog videos. Maybe do something like that.

Another part of your job is to give the American people a sense of security. The world can be a cold, dark and scary place, and sometimes we all just need a boost from the Presidential dog(s). Just knowing that you’re there is most of it, but go the extra mile somehow. Be strong for us, Sunny.

And above all, please be there for our President. President Obama has a very stressful job, and you need to be there at the end of the day to wag your tail and bring a smile to his face. And with all of the tough decisions that he has to make, you need to know when it’s an appropriate time to play, and when he needs to be left alone with Vice President Biden and other White House Staff. Just keep your eyes and ears open, k? You’ll figure it out.

You’ve got your work cut out for you, but if the First Family believes you’re the dog for the job, I have full faith in you.

Best of luck and call me if you need anything,

Jason

Images via ABC News and News 4 Jax

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