Rachel Paige
May 02, 2016 12:43 pm
HBO

It’s no longer a spoiler to say that Jon Snow is dead, but now it’s kind of a spoiler to say that Jon Snow is alive. But listen, if you are a human being on this Earth, there is no possible way you’ve avoided hearing about the events of last night’s Game of Thrones episode, “Home.” The only way you would NOT know Jon Snow is in fact ~alive~ is if you were in some Kimmy Schmidt-like doomsday bunker. But even then, the Reverend probably got HBO.

Following Sunday’s episode, Entertainment Weekly published a story in which Jon Snow himself, Kit Harington, says “Sorry!” And what’s he sorry for? Oh, you know, deceiving the entire WORLD (RIP Jon Snow, June, 14th 2015 – May 1st, 2016) and toying with literally everyone’s emotions for almost an entire year. He’s sorry he had to lie to the general public in interviews and literally everywhere he was spotted. He’s very sorry.

But listen, Harington, sure, we accept your apology, but it’s not good enough. For 322 LONG DAYS we freaked out over the fate of Jon Snow, and we’re going to need more than just a simple “sorry.” We’re going to need a dozen more apologizes, actually. Here are some other things Harington should start apologizing for ASAP if we’re ever going to truly forgive him.

1. Ygritte’s death in Season 4 

We miss you, Ygritte. Come back. While this isn’t entirely Harington’s fault, it is Olly’s fault, and we’re going to place the blame on the former. We’ve been waiting on an apology for two seasons now so…what are you waiting for?

2. The sheer fact that Harington and Rose Leslie hid their adorable relationship for SO LONG

Did you know Jon Snow and Ygritte are dating IRL? Yeah, it’s true, and it’s adorable, but they denied it for SO LONG. SO SO LONG! These two are the cutest together and they’re so in love, so why you gotta be like that, Harington?

3. The absence of Gendry 

Uh, last we saw him he was rowing away on a boat, and we were like, “No, come back, Gendry, we like you, please don’t die!” So where is he, and don’t tell us he’s still rowing that boat, Harington.

4. The absence of Lady Stoneheart

She’s really cool and really badass and please don’t tell me that Game of Thrones used all of the reserve zombie-fund in brining Jon Snow back to life. APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE IF SHE DOESN’T APPEAR ON GoT.

5. Whatever the heck is happening in Dorne 

Now that Jon Snow is alive maybe we can forget that Dorne was ever actually a thing, because what even happened there? Let’s not go back. Apologize for Dorne. Apologize for the Sand Snakes. See to it that we never go back, Harington.

6. Ser Jorah’s greyscale

Poor Ser Jorah! Even though Harington — let alone Jon — had literally nothing to do with this, it’s still probably his fault.

7. Ramsay Bolton 

You haven’t stopped him yet, Harington, so it’s totally and 100% your fault he’s still roaming around Westeros. THIS IS ALL ON YOU. SAY YOU ARE SORRY.

8. The idea that Game of Thrones might be ending in a few seasons

Sad faces all around! But maaaaaaybe HBO can bring it back to life just like they did Jon Snow!! See what just happened there?? And if they don’t bring it back, it’s your fault, Harington.

9. The cancelation of ABC’s Happy Endings

I am never not going to be upset about the death of Happy Endings, and I need a few dozen more people to apologize for its short life. If Harington is doling out apologizes today, this should be one of them.

10. Harington needs to apologize for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Was he in it? No. Did he see it? Eh, probably not. But IDK, just more people need to be apologizing for the first DC Extended Universe film, and if Harington is making the apologizes round, might as well throw this in here.

11. We are running out of Coke Zero in the HelloGiggles fridge 

This seems like it should be Harington’s fault. Waiting on him to release a statement to Entertainment Weekly stating the fact that he’s sorry about our lack of soda.

12. The death of Remus Lupin

J.K. Rowling just publicly apologized for killing off our favorite (former) Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, but listen, Rowling, today is not your day to apologize. It is Harington’s day. Let him repent for everything, including things in the Wizarding World.

13. Donald Drumpf

WE NEED MORE PEOPLE TO BLAME FOR HIM. APOLOGIZE, HARINGTON.

14. That Glenn scuffle on Walking Dead last season

Walking Dead was trying to be like GoT, and in doing so, they sort-of-almost-not-really ~killed~ off Glenn and our hearts couldn’t take it. Then it was like SURPRISE HE’S NOT DEAD and we were all like, “Oy can we stop this now?”

15. Global warming 

What are you even doing to stop global warming, Harington, huh? What? Probably nothing. Say you’re sorry.

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