Christina Wolfgram
August 13, 2015 11:29 am

It’s barely been a week since Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, long-time celebrity couple (and, erm, puppets), announced that after over 40 years of on-and-off dating, they were splitting for good. In a world where human celebrity love doesn’t seem to stand a fighting chance (RIP Bennifer), knowing that somewhere out there, a beautiful pig was affectionately walloping her comedian frog boyfriend with a purse was just … comforting. I hoped we, as a nation, would have more time to try to digest the news of their conscious uncoupling before either of the Muppets moved on, but NOPE.

In a recent interview with Extra, Kermit revealed that there is a new pig in his life. “Her name is Denise,” he said. “She is one of the heads of marketing with ABC. She’s actually one of the people who had the idea to do this show.” When Kermit says, “this show,” he means The Muppets, which will debut this fall on ABC and also stars his high-profile ex, Miss Piggy. Sounds like a hotbed for drama.

There is a small, endlessly optimistic piece of my heart – the same one that questioned why Britney and Justin chose to wear matching denim outfits to the AMAs that one time and wondered if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart ever really loved each other as much as Edward and Bella – that hopes this whole “Denise” thing is all a big publicity stunt. I’m clinging to my juvenile yet firm belief in true love, and pray that Kermit and Miss Piggy will be back together by Christmas.

In case you were wondering, Kermit did bring up Miss Piggy in the Extra interview, citing their reason for breaking up had to do with her unquenchable thirst for stardom and his desire to stay under-the-radar (ironic coming from someone who is about to star in a TV show, but that’s none of my business).

“We were together for a long, long time, and we just kind of discovered that we had different important stuff,” he said. “I don’t really crave the spotlight in the same way. It was a lot of years of dealing with that.”

Sure, Kermit. Whatever you say. #TeamPiggy

(Images via here, here, and here.)

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